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October 20, 2005
Do the Right Thing
I've talked before about doing the right thing, in several different contexts. I find myself in a position where I have to figure out how to do the right thing in a situation where everything feels wrong. It's hard, and sometimes it feels like I'm chasing my tail. What's right from some perspectives seems really wrong from others, things that feel like they are wrong may turn out to be right with time, and none of the things that should give me a superficial sense of "justice" do; they make me feel bad.
I wish that I didn't have to make these decisions, but thinking through them is helping - slowly picking this knot apart and figuring out what, given the situation, will result in the in smallest rise in net misery in the world. I think I have to remove myself from the formula for the moment - it's not that I don't think I matter - I do ( a LOT). It's just that I have a very good idea of what I am capable of recovering from, and I know that I will, so for the moment I can ignore myself and do the right thing for the people around me. I know from experience that, eventually I will look back on how I handled things and if I do the right things now I will feel better about myself, and everyone else will feel better for it.
I regret all sorts of things I have done in the past, that I can't change them, and I need to just avoid making any more mistakes in the future. People are both dangerous and fragile things - I need to make sure that going forward I don't let myself fall asleep at the wheel again.
Posted at October 20, 2005 12:39 PM in More Personal Than Usual
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