June 21, 2008
Perfect
If anyone would like mailing address info, please let me know.
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January 1, 2008
Resolutions
1. I am going to try to care less about things. Over the last, let's say, 7 years, I have allowed outside events to impact me greatly. This has led to me being sad about things that I cannot possibly effect, like last year's concern about the Darfur genocide. This year, I have decided that I am not going to do that. Things that don't affect me directly really shouldn't effect me at all. Unless something impacts my tiny little sphere of reality - like, say, high taxes - I am not going to let it bother me at all. *
2. In my personal life, I am going to be far more selfish, and less giving. Unless something makes me feel good, there is no reason to do it. Everyone else screws everyone else over, so I really feel like I am missing the boat on this.*
3. I am going to spend more time playing video games. I increased the number of hours I spent doing this significantly this year, but I really think that I can do better at it this year, if I can just apply myself. **
* These resolutions are lies. I will continue to worry about things that I cannot change and do what little I can to make the world a better place, both in my public and private lives.
** This resolution is not a lie; really - have you SEEN what is coming out this year? I need to devote at least 15% of my life to playing new games, plus about another 10% to playing good stuff I missed in the past. Right now I am playing Lego Star Wars II, the Original Trilogy, which is awesome. Apparently Ben Kenobi is a real jerk, if I am playing him. Hypnotizing Jawas, then cutting their heads off while they are stunned...what a dick.
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December 31, 2007
Resolute
Another year is ticking by, and looking back at last year I must say I did a very good job of keeping my resolutions.
I suppose that I need to come up with another set of resolution for this year, but last year's were so good I find myself having a hard time coming up with anything better. Since things are very slow at work I suppose that I will devote some time today to staring into the distance and thinking about what I need to do over the next year.
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March 6, 2007
At Last, Closure (as Opposed to Foreclosure)
At long last the old house on Whispering has sold, closing the books on the sorry saga of the last 10 years.. I don't even want to think about the amount of money that I lost (I had to actually bring a check to the closing to cover realtor's fees), but even with tens of thousands of dollars down the drain it's worth it to get out from under the crushing monthly payments and the worry of something expensive happening to the house.
Well...Now what?
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January 1, 2007
I Resolve...
What with the New Year and all I was thinking that I should probably sit down and write up a list of things that I think I should be doing, and claim that I am really, really going o do them in the coming year- you know, typical New Year's Resolutions.
After thinking about that for a little while, I decided to instead resolve to do the things that I am likely to do anyway - my success is assured this way, you see? So, without further ado, here are my resolutions for 2007:
I Will Play More Videogames
I spend a lot of time playing videogames already, so this will be a hard one to keep, but I am sure that given a little hard work, and continued lack of a social life I will be able to do this. As long as there are timesucking, pointless games like Final Fantasy, Oblivion and Viva Pinata that tap into my primitive lizard-brain reward mechanisms I think I have a chance. Major timewasters I have lined up for 2007 include Spore, God of War II, lot's of DS and Wii games, and replaying through all of the Final Fantasies (currently in the middle of 3 on the DS). I resolve not to even try any online games, since every one I have ever tried is mind-numbingly dull.
I Will Spend More Time Alone
Let's face it, people suck. This year I plan to do absolutely nothing to go out of my way to meet new people. I will stick with the people I already know, and I will not waste time that could be spent doing things like reading, playing videogames, or watching movies trying to make connections with other human beings - they are all like aliens to me anyway. I will still spend time with my existing friends, of course; in fact, I might actually start inviting people over again after my 8 month hiatus...or maybe not.
I Will Feel Really Bad About Things I Cannot Affect
Everything from Global Warming to the Darfur Genocide will continue to weigh on me and make me feel bad about the world and humanity, even though there is really nothing that I can do about them. I will worry about politics and how everyday everything seems to slip a little further away from reason. I won't do anything about it - in fact, I will generally be upset about my own impotence.
I Will Continue to do Research For My Book
So that I don't have to, you know, actually work on writing it. I will instead continue to add to my formidable library of biographies and historical non-fiction that I tell myself I have to get through before I can even begin working on the book.
I Will Be Less Optimistic
I have always been a pretty optimistic," things will work out" kind of a guy. This doesn't really map to well with reality, so I'm afraid that like belief in Santa, God, and the Easter Bunny, Optimism goes onto the list of consciousness phenomena that probably have some neurological or evolutionary basis, but no basis in reality. I will continue to cling to my belief in the Tooth Fairy, because someday I would like to know the gruesome truth about what she does with all the teeth.
I Will Think Less
It seems to work for everyone else.
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December 2, 2006
Psycho Analysis
Watched "Thank You For Smoking" tonight, a highly, highly recommended movie. Great acting, creepy kid, Katie Holmes not being married to Tom Cruise; really very little to complain about.
However, it reminded me again of my love for "Boston Legal" and the sexy, sexy sociopaths that inhabit it. "Thank You For Smoking" is inhabited by pretty much the same type of people. Yes, there is the main character who is obviously a sociopath, but all the other characters basically are as well. They are horrible people that have no idea how their actions impact other people.
And I love them.
What is it with my attraction to dangerous, horrible sociopaths (really...all my relationship's except for one. If we have dated and you are reading this, obviously, you are that one exception, okay)?
After spending a lot of time (over an hour!) thinking about it, I have come to the conclusion that it's a "remembrance of things past" thing. I am attracted to/fascinated by sociopaths because it's a "the road not taken" thing. There was a time (about twenty-one years ago) when I was that "really, really selfish and really, really happy-with-himself" person.
I miss that, sometimes.
I spend all of my time these days doing "the right-thing". It's what I ultimately always have to do; but I sometimes miss being that selfish jerk on occasion. Not that I would admit it, but, you know, when I am lying awake in bed at 4:30 in the morning it does cross my mind.
I think that is why I love Boston Legal and "Thank You For Smoking"; not because I see myself in them, (no matter how much I might practice the "Alan Shore" inflections) but because I see the shallow, happy jerk I could have been instead, and, God, I want that sometimes. I really, really do.
But I can't have it. Not that I am "too good", or better than that, or anything like that - I simply don't have the stomach for it anymore; I have too much empathy for my fellow man/woman.
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November 22, 2006
Seufzer
Ich kann nicht dieses alles auf meinen selbst tun.
Ich weiß, ich bin kein uber-mensch.
Ich wünsche, daß Buchstaben von „Str. anderwohin“ oben in meinem Leben zeigen würden, also könnte es der autistische Zickleins auch sein Traum eines.
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September 17, 2006
Finally
My divorce is final. Yeah me. It took nearly a year, but the final signed-by-a-judge papers arrived this weekend.
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September 4, 2006
It's not you...
- It's me. I'm still going through a hard time right now, and I think that it's important for me to spend some time, you know, getting in touch with me.
I'm honestly not blowing anyone off. I just need some time alone right now to figure out what's going on.
I love you all, honest. Just not, you know, in that way. But I really do want for us to be friends once I work out what's going on with me.
Okay, actually, I have been sequestered in my compound watching both seasons of Dead Like Me and crying like a baby (because they cancelled this truly, truly excellent show).. Also catching up on Entourage. And the new fall season is going to be kicking off over the next two weeks, so really, what's a boy supposed to do?
I just don't think I'm good for you right now. You deserve better. I would only hurt you...or make you watch GIlmore GIrls.
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June 28, 2006
Motorcycle Diary
I never learned how to ride a motorcyle, not officially anyway. In 1984 I got my driver's license renewed, and maybe because I was wearing a leather jacket or something, they added a motorcyle certification to it. That was fine by me. I had driven some smaller motorcycles (bigger than dirt bikes, you know) and I had ridden on lots of motocycles - it didn't look that hard. Balance like you do on a bicycle, twist the throttle, squeeze the handbrake. Nothing too it.
I remember the first time and only time that I rode a large road bike. My brother had a one - I think it was a Honda or Kawasaki of some sort. We were moving to the LA area. I didn't want to. Everything and everyone that I knew was up in the Bay Area. Up there I had managed, over the last couple of years to become, well, popular. For the first time in my life I had girlfriends. Yes, PLURAL girlfriends. It was an enormous shift from the guy who got caught in Driver's Ed class reading his copy of the AD&D Monster Manual behind his text book a few years earlier.
Anyway, Tony's bike was being rolled out of the moving truck, and he was pushing it into the garage.
"Can I take it out?", I asked
"You don't know how to ride a motorcycle", he replied.
Pulling out my (mistaken) Driver's license I showed it to him. "Yes I do, see?".
Relectantly, he said "Okay, but be careful".
I still remember rolling it down the driveway. It was heavier than I thought it would be - much heavier than I was. When I got it onto the street I started it up. All of the sudden I began to realize that I had the equivalent of a Volkswagon Bug between my legs, and nothing protecting me. This was back in the eighties; no helmet; I am pretty sure I didn't even have the leather jacket with me.
But I couldn't back down now. I started the engine and took off. Turning the corner out of the cul de sac I hit the gas and went up onto one wheel for a moment.
At that point I knew I was probably going to die. Still, I decided that I at least needed to go around the block in order to feel like I had really succeeded at this.
I almost made it.
On the way back to the house I turned a corner on a section of road that was lightly covered with gravel, and lost control of the bike. It went over and I didn't know how to get out of it's way. I lost a couple of inches of skin on my right leg, and gained an enormous amount of respect for, and a healthy fear of motorcycles that stays with me today. The damage to the bike was minor - scratches and a bent kickstand. I guess I broke it's fall.
I'm pretty sure I paid him back for the repairs, but I probably should have given him two or three thousand dollars on top of that for the life lesson.
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razlyubit' blyad
Forget all that William Safire, J. Byran. Christopher J. Moore and Howard Rheingold made up Russian. It may not be untranslatable, but I still think that together they are pretty descriptive. See if you can find my favorite pun based on "blyad" using Google. It's an excercise for the dedicated. Gold stars will be awarded to the diligent.
It's too bad, though that "razbliuto" doesn't actually exist, since I always loved the idea of it. I certainly have feelings that I have no words for. It would be nice if someone else did.
Welche Farbe ist deine Eidechse?
As Stephan Colbert would say, "Moving on..."
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June 19, 2006
I Suppose This Is Bloggable
Papers were signed today. It all becomes totally absolutely official after the judge signs off/fat lady sings, but for all intents and purposes I am divorced now; it was witnessed by a fish and everything (don't ask, or do, but expect an answer that is more boring than you hoped).
I suppose that I should be out celebrating with 'hos and blow, but, seeing as I am tragically broke, I don't even have the option of choosing between the two; it's frozen(vegetarian) pizza and Final Fantasy II for me tonight (assuming that I can get Ashley off the PS2).
Anyway, I guess congratulations are in order.
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June 1, 2006
Hello, My Name Is Travis Bickle
I'm thinking that there is probably something wrong with sitting in front of the TV watching back episodes of Boston Legal and doing dumbell repetitions. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it just strikes me as an unhealthy thing to be doing.
If I start standing in front of the mirror and questioning non-existant people regarding what, exactly, it is they are looking at, and if it might, perhaps, be me, given the lack of other subjects for observation, I hope that someone will notice and do something about it.
Otherwise things are freaking awesome.
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April 24, 2006
Working The Land
This weekend was devoted to working the land here at the plantation. Having become very tired of the dogs always being filthy from rolling around in the dirt, I decided it was time to do something about it. Being too lazy to actually, you know, maintain a yard, I decided that the optimal solution was to begin planting Scottish Moss in the backyard. It's hardy, ground-clinging (no mowing), able to stand up to foot traffic, and a pretty green color. It also hold water in pretty well so there is some chance that it might survive once it gets going. My hope is that it will spread quickly throughout the yard, choking out the native vegetation (weeds). Planting was fun - Kieran helped out, and the dogs assisted by digging up a couple of the little moss-pods so that they could be planted again, correctly.
I also planted an herb garden in one section of the backyard, with the hope that it will save me the trouble of buying them fromt he store, not using them in time, and then having to throw them out. We'll see how that goes...
All of this also led to a spurt of general yard maintenance - trimming back existing plants that were overgrown, planting some honeysucklye to climb around the porch and so on - nothing major, but I don't think anyone has done anything to the yard for about 70 years, so everything helps.
Next project is to make the landlord buy paint so I can start painting. I know they will cover interior paint, but I am hoping I can talk them into some exterior stuff too, since the exterior really needs it.
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March 26, 2006
Corpse Viewing
I went to go see the Bodyworks 2 exhibit up in Denver on Saturday, and all I can say is that it's amazing.
It works on (at least) two levels - there is the scientific "ah, so that's what we look like inside" aspect of it, but what I wasn't expecting was the artistry involved. The bodies, which has have been preserved through a process called "plastination" were, frankly, beautiful. I've always thought that the human body was beautiful, inside and out, but when you actually see it like this, with all of the parts and their relationships laid bare, it's an incredible experience. It reminded me, yet again, of how incredible it is that it all works together, and makes me even more awed that this is the result of billions of years of slow change and growth.
If you have a chance, it's worth seeing if you have the opportunity. I'm planning to see it again if I can.
Later that day I went with some friends to the Bluebird to see Matson Jones open for Enon. Matson Jones was amazing - two cellos, a bass, and a drummer. When you hear that, you assume they are going to be sort of fey and clever, like Rasputina, but no - they rocked. I am pretty sure that I have never seen a bass player shred a bowstring to pieces during a performance before.
Enon (who is, as it turns out is the band I thought it was - founded by the guy from the Brainiacs) was disappointing though - from the moment they stated their set and I recognized that the song was basically the riff from "Another One Bites The Dust" I couldn't get over the thought that it all sounded a little derivitive - familiar hooks, a male vocal that spent time at the "Hot Hot Heat" school of voice and a cute, but not magnetic female japanese lead singer.
All of it filtered through a Yo La Tengo hipster sieve...
We left halfway through their set.
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March 20, 2006
Housemate
So, It seems that I now have a housemate. Ashley moved in this weekend. We got all of her big stuff moved in Saturday night, but she is still moving small stuff over from her mom's and settling in.
It will be nice to have someone else around the house, even though it's unlikely I will actually see her that much. She spends most of her time either working or out with friends, so I am guessng that I will see her at best a couple of hours a week. This whole thing will probably work out pretty well. Her mom was on her about not keeping her stuff neat, which isn't a big deal for me - as long as she keeps her stuff in the shared areas of the house neat I don't care what her room looks like, I'm not showing the house or anything like that. We also get along very well, so I'm hoping the whole thing will be pretty friction free, and it wil give her the opportunity to have a transition between straght "living at home" and the cruel, cold world of "living on your own".
It also might provide more justifcations for cooking!
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March 18, 2006
The Toe
When it was broken:
Now, when I change the bandages:
Icky, isn't it?
Yes, the first one is photoshopped - I can't get over the fact that I lost the actual picture.
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March 16, 2006
God Damn It!
Today as I was getting ready for work, I managed to stubb my little toe on the door frame of my bedroom.
I thought to myself, "that hurts a little more than usual". Looking down, what do I see, but my pinky toe on my left foot at a right angle to my foot. Realizing that this is not normal I rushed myself to the hospital, to find out that it's broken (duh!). Looks like I will have to get a pin in it, which I am sure is a lot less fun than it sounds.
That, however, is not the reason for the title of this post. I took an awesome picture of the toe/foot with my phone, but it looks like I forgot to confirm saving it, so I don't have it. It was really icky looking.
God damn it!
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March 13, 2006
Another Good Weekend
(Note that the "More Personal Than Usual" category has essentially been decommissioned. This blog has turned into another "Oh! Look what is going on in my fascinating life" site. I promise I will fix that someday).
This weekend was a great deal of fun, even though, in essence, I did nothing. I got to spend a lot of time with Kieran - playing video games (I got to the point where his Halo victory ratio was only 3-1!), watching movies (Harry Potter 4 is not my favorite Harry Potter movie so far) and just hanging out. I really, really want to spend as much time as possible with him before he goes to live with his dad, and that seems to be working out so far.
I also got to hang out for a while with someone new this weekend, which was hawesome. Very smart, funny, well-read, artsy, all the things I like in people. Must make more effort to hang out with new people - they have new perspectives and can be endlessly fascinating. I tend to forget that sometimes because I am so busy with what is already in front of me. I am surrounded so often by souless, colorless people that I forget that there are occasional shiny sparkling people out there that I do not already know. Everyone that I do already know is, it goes without saying, shiny and sparkling.
Also, Rick - as I was leaving Denver I realized that I don't have your phone number - I would have sworn I had it in my cellphone. Sorry to have bailed without notice. Contact me.
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March 12, 2006
Once is Fine...
But once a week is a bad trend...
This morning I wake up at about 6:45. I am, of course, unable to move - lying on my back, arms at my sides. There is something in the room - not the dogs, who are lying in the bed, unaware of the menacing presence.
I realize that I am fully dressed, which is odd, because I am sure that I undressed before coming into bed. Despite this, I am fully dressed, laying in bed, unable to move and filled with dread. I realize that my wallet is in my right front pocket, and that it has quite a bit of cash in it, cash that I need. I can tell that whatever it is that is in the room is trying to reach into the pocket and get the wallet.
Understand - I'm not dreaming - I'm awake, I can see what is going on in the room, but at the same time, I KNOW there is something reaching into my pocket.
I struggle and strain to get up, to yell, to do anything. Finally, just as I think I can't try any harder, I am bolt upright in bed, undressed, and slightly terrified - my heart is racing. After a second I see my pants on the floor. Checking them the wallet, and all monies within it (which is, in reality not very much at all) are just fine.
I wonder how long/often this is going to happen? Will I eventually start to hallucinate alien abductions, or witches sitting on my chest, which are the classic sleep paralysis hallucinations?
With my luck, there is no way I am getting a succubus...
What's interesting to me is that, even though I know exactly what is going on, I still can't control the fear and associated responses. I mean, rationally I know exactly what is happening, even while it's happening, but I still get the physical and emotional fear response. I am also a little concerned that it's happened twice in two weeks, since the last time I can remember it happening is back in 1988. Have to do some research on sleep paralysis and Lunesta use...
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March 7, 2006
The Joy of Cooking
This weekend I actually had the opportunity to cook again, and it made me really, really miss cooking even more. I just can't get up the energy to do it just for myself though. I suppose that means I just need to have people over more often.
Evening went pretty well, and everyone seemed to have a pretty good time. Mirrormask, as predicted, was an incoherent mess that looked very, very pretty onscreen.
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March 1, 2006
Sleep Paralysis Rules!
I love it when I have a bout of sleep paralysis - that wierd state where you are partially awake, immobile and have dream-like hallucinations.
This morning, at what I believe was 5:40 or so I woke up, only to find that I couldn't move. I heard a toilet flush in the house, then the sounds of steps moving along the hall outside. Being the only person in the house, this seemed wierd, and kind of scary.
While I couldn't move, I could tell that someone had entered the room, and walked across to the bed. Still unable to move, I felt a tingling sensation as someone lay down next to me on the bed. Since I was close to the edge there wasn't any room and the prescence slipped down from the bed and moved under it.
I'm lying there in bed, unable to move, knowing that there is someone/thing under the bed, trying to force my body to move, to get up, to speak - to do anything. I feel like I am just on the verge of being able to move when suddenly hands reach up over the bottom edge of the bed, grabbing at the blankets and my feet. Suddenly I can move, and I am bolt upright in bed. The door is closed, there are no hands and my heart is racing. After a moment to settle down, even though I know it's dumb, I peek under the bed. Nothing. Whew.
I love it when stuff like this happens. Our brains are marvelous and wierd, wierd things.
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February 28, 2006
A New Project
So, today while driving to the therapist I have decided on my next big project. It's up there with the biggest projects I have taken on, and I honestly can't say that I will go anywhere with it. I have always thought I had a book in me, and if I do, this is pretty sure to be it.
Nothing more, or I will jinx it. The historical research has begun though.
Posted by edgore at 11:13 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
Ring Finger II
It's funny that I don't even bother to mark these posts as "More Personal Than Usual" anymore. The deviation has finally become the norm.
In any case, I wwas randomly playing songs while lying in bed longing for the release of sleep when NIN's "Ringfinger" popped up on the playlist for the first time in like two months (The last "Ringfinger" post). Sad to say, I checked, and the damned thing is still there. It's been what, October...December...March...Five MONTHS now and the damned thing is still visible.
I wonder if it's just waiting till things get all settled? I mean, really, they are settled enough for me, for God's sake (note that taking the lord's name in vain is not an endorsement or any kind of indication of belief).
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February 27, 2006
Bursting Into Song
Oddly, I have recently found myself bursting into song. Unfortunately, the song is frequently "Bad Habit" by the Dresden Dolls - a song about the things that we do, and the pain that we inflict, to ourselves in order to avoid having to actually just be happy. Odd because I am probably doing fewer of those things now that at any point that I can actually remember.
It's really catchy though, which I guess could account for some of it.
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February 26, 2006
A Good Weekend
Just had a pretty good weekend. I'm not in Harrison anymore (always good), the audit seemed to go very well, and fun was had the rest of the weekend. I had the dogs most of the weekend, which always makes me happy, and Kieran was over for practically two days. Saturday we went to Kirstin's babyshower, which I assumed he would be bored with, but no he had a great time, and really didn't want it to end. We went out and had dinner with a few folks afterwards and he was asking if we were going to go home, or if we could all hang out some more together. I have to try to arrange for more group gatherings over at my house in the future for him. It was amusing too because he's grown so much just since mid-summer that a few people how haven't seen him in a bit didn't recognize. Since I see him every week I guess I don't notice it as much...
Today we went to the zoo, which was great, even though we both had aching legs afterwards. Kieran is interested in volunteering (following in his sister's footsteps), so we figured we would go scope it out. I guess I'll talk to his mom about it and see if it's okay for me to help him apply. Every time we were looking at an animal, he would scope out the droppings and say "Oh yeah, I can clean that up".
So, yeah, over all just a really nice weekend, with perfectly normal stuff that made me happy. I even beat Kieran in one (out of many) rounds of Extreme-G racing. This will probably never happen again.
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February 24, 2006
I don't know...
How I feel about this. I went by the pound today on the way home from the airport. The kitty was picked up by it's owners on the 20th (a day after I brought it in).
Going to the pound always makes me sad. Today there was this adorable little girl there with her mom. She said "Mommy I want to take them all home with me". That is kind of how I feel whenver I go in there. There were so many doggies and (yes, now that I am paying attention to them) kitties that I wish I could save. But honestly, I would rescue the pit bulls and the boxers if I couldn't do anything else - they are all so sweet looking.
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February 19, 2006
Exile on Mainstreet/Cats
So, I am, once again, trapped in Harrison AR, where the KKK is listed in the phonebook. Needless to say this is not one of those fun "Oh I had a great time, and I got a great haircut" trips like I used to have to New York (every six weeks).
No, this is real work - both on and off the clock.
Had an exciting weekend though. On Saturday Kieran came over to visit and we had a fun time playing video games and talking about stuff. A little after six I went out to the car to get the dog's bowls from the back. It's about 5 degrees outside, and from under the car I hear this pathetic "merrrrooooow". It's a kitty cat. I pay very little attention to it, but it follows me. I open the door to the house, telling the dogs to stay back. They don't, of course and rush out to meet the kitty. Things look okay and sniffy for a second, then they go nuts. Kieran and I manage, finally, to pull them off the poor cat and get them inside. I assume the cat must be messed up.
Turns out, there is not a scratch on it, though Pumpkin later turned out to have a cat claw stuck near his mouth.
About 45 minutes later I go out to get some food for dinner. The cat is still on the front porch, and looking very sad. I go over to check on it. It's freezing to death. Literally. There is ice on it's coat and at least one of it's paws is ice-cold, and I am thinking "frostbite". I gather it up telling it I will take care of it (I am VERY allergic to cats). I put it in the car with me and go to get the food for me and Kieran - the whole way there it sits in my lap and goes "MROOOW!" every few seconds. I feel bad.
After getting the people food, I stop by the pet store and buy some cat food, and ask about cat rescue places. I get a number, and head home.
Once I get home, I set aside the human food and take a dish of water and a bowl of the cat food upstairs. I figured, weak cat, get wet, easy to eat food. God that stuff smells bad. Hold the cat way up high as I walk in to the house. Dogs are interested, but not nuts. They look at it with suspicion, but no specific ill-will. Get the kitty set up in a warm closet upstairs, and it starts to scarf down food like it's starving - it probably is.
After giving it a little while to settle down, I take it downstairs where it sits with me for a bit, till Kitsune gets too close and it starts to hiss. I figure better to avoid conflict, and take it upstairs and put it in the closet again.
At this point, my eyes are itchy, my skin is itchy, and I take a benzedrine, which seems to help. Kitty sleeps, I sleep, dogs sleep. Kieran stays up playing video games.
In the morning I try the rescue place again, still no answer. Since I am leaving town, Kieran and I have no choice but to take the kitty to the SPCA, to await it's death sentence.
I know that when I get back I am going to check on the kitty. If it's still there (one day before execution) I know that I will have to pick it up and find someway to take care of it, whether that means keeping it of getting it to a rescue place that doesn't euthanize.
Funny, if my dogs hadn't tried to kill it, that kitty would probably have frozen to death last night. Also funny, I think that with a little care the dogs will get along just fine with the kitty, who is old, and I think will be named something like "Mittens" or "Scurvy McScrufferson". No doubt past relations will be pissed off that I have a cat, when I said for years I could not because of allergies. Well, that is still true, but I never had to save and take care of one before. And well, that's what I do. Better it's a cat than a relationship.
God I am a softy.
Posted by edgore at 10:57 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
February 17, 2006
Need to find more time to write.
Maybe I will next week when I am in Harrison, AR - a place with nothing to do but write after hours.
I have a couple of good tidbits floating around in my head:
The mentally unstable guy who decribes insanity as having a light in his head that he can't turn off. Not a bright light, but a dim, flickering flashlight that illuminates every face he sees from below, and every person he looks at seems sinister, like he's about to tell a campfire story. Not just people though - animals, things, places, even ideas are lit the same way. Imagine trying to get up in the morning when the idea of getting up itself is lit from below and menacing, or losing you place under the overpass because it looks like it wants to eat you.
Or the idea that while faster than light travel isn't possible, but there is no reason that the SETI project might not pick up a long, repeating signal which, when decifered reveals the plans for a very powerful computer, and the software to run it. The blueprint, if followed correctly results in an alien in a box - he's translated into software, and the hardware gives him virtual life. A risky form of travel, the reciever might not be able to assemble the plan, but, well, you have sent out dozens, hundreds of signals, and some of them hit and get built. From then on, you know that you have a means of lightspead travel without all of the reletivity problems. Just an idea - don't know what to do with it yet.
I will not, however, write much about my short relationship with Paris Hilton. Turned out she's a nice enough girl, she is a little ditzy, but all the electronic stuff she gets as freebies? She understands it, and knows quite about how it works. The relationship had to come to an end though because I couldn't keep up in her world - as she told me at the end, "Being stupid is really hard work for people like us".
I have also discoverd that if I turn the electric blanked up to 7, I will dream of reptiles. Houses full of snakes, iguanas, and at least on monitor lizard (which was way close to that kid). I actually woke up trying to remember how Sharon and I had agreed to split up the snakes - she could have the Anaconda and the python (they were getting too big anyway) but I really wanted my Boa Constrictor.
Posted by edgore at 11:21 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 11, 2006
Pretty Safe Neighborhood, I Guess
So, I get home from my trip to see my parents a little while ago. I've been gone for a week, and, let's say, 12 hours. As background for this story, my front door has one of those deadbolts that automatically locks when you close the door, unless you move a little switch-thingee before you close the door.
When I get home tonight, there are two flyers, and a set of phonebooks sitting in front of my door, the screen door is closed, and the actual door behind it is open about a foot or so. I panic, thinking that someone has broken into the house. After checking for broken chairs (none), pilfered porridge (also none) and golden-locked girls sleeping in my bed (also, unfortunately, none) I realize that when I left last week the little switchie-thing was tripped, causing the door not to lock. So, for the last week my front door has been unlocked, and for an unkown portion of that, the front door was actually open, and several people came right up to the front door and left stuff.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that I must live in a pretty safe neighborhood for that to happen. Of course, this also means that I need to change the lock, since if I could to this for a week, it means that it could happen anytime I leave, and well, I don't want to that to happen if I have the dogs - they would almost certainly be able to bust through the screen door and escape.
Posted by edgore at 7:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 7, 2006
Vegas Baby!
Just so that no one worries that I have died or anything, wanted to let everyone know that I am going to be visiting my parents this week, without much access to email. Cellphone seems to work okay though.
Posted by edgore at 11:04 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
January 30, 2006
Kawai!!!!!
I've just discovered that the Recycle City website has been translated into Japanese and is hosted here. In a wonderful bit of engrish, the name has been changed to Recycling City.
Posted by edgore at 2:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 26, 2006
Creepy
I don't usually post links to quizzes or tests, because, well, most of the things on the Internet are stupid and I don't really need to know which "Star Wars" character I most resemble.
However, I am going to post this one, since it', like, real scientifical
Harvard has on online set of Implicit Association Tests - which you can take here. The tests are designed to measure bias in your opinions about things like race, skin color, gender roles, and other things like that.
Supposedly, it's pretty accurate. My results on the couple that I have taken were revealing, and will require some introspection on my part. I assumed that I would have a slight preference towards lighter skin (Hey it was only slight - I feel relieved!), but I was little surprised to find that I associate careers with men and family with women.
Interesting.
Posted by edgore at 4:09 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 23, 2006
My Electric Lover
You know how it is when you have a new lover, and you have just started sleeping together? How, in the morning you have a hard time getting yourself out of bed, because it's just so nice to lay there next to them feeling warm and wonderful. I've always thought that was a great and a one-of-a-kind feeling. You can't even duplicate it later in a relationship - it only feels like that at the start, before other things start to get in the way and mess everything up.
Turns out, I was wrong. It's not a one of a kind feeling.
Sleeping alone, and what with my advanced age and poor circulation, I've been finding that no matter how warm the room is, my legs get cold while I'm asleep. Really cold, enough to wake me up on a few occasions recently.
To combat this, I decided to buy an electric blanket, and set it up so that it only covers the lower half of the bed.
Turns out that this is not only an excellent way to combat cold legs, but it also recreates that wonderful, drowsy I don't want to get out of bed feeling described above. I find that I have to set my alarm clock to wake me up earlier in order to compensate for the extra ten or fifteen minutes it takes me to get out of bed. On weekends, when I have been getting up at 7:00am and getting out of bed, I now find that I can easily stay in bed and drift off until 10:00, which I haven't done in ages. It's also very easy to just spend a weekend day in bed reading, while not bothering to turn on the heat (which probably saves money!).
Ah, my electric lover. You will always be there for me, and will never betray me...unless I spill a drink in the bed, in which case you will electrocute me without the slightest hesitation. Why is it that all of my relationships seem to have that dynamic?
Posted by edgore at 5:47 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 18, 2006
Another Lost Opportunity
Sigh - For the last three years I've been looking for retro-futuristic prints for the living room at the old house (it was going be be "The Future That Never Was" themed) with very little luck. Now that it's too late, I find a place that has great stuff. Check out this...and this...and this...oh, and this!
Ah well. I can still get this to put in the kitchen of my new place - it goes with any decor.
Posted by edgore at 11:09 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
January 16, 2006
Wishful Thinking
Just finished reading Charles Stross' book "Accelerando, wherein he posits that within my lifetime humankind will hit the point of singularity - basically the point of techological development where events that happen after that time could not have been forecast by any agency from before that time - the point where we can do things like upload minds into computers, live in simulated worlds, convert regular old dumb matter into atomic or subatomic level computers, and each carry around about a trillion times the computing power of the entire world in 2005 on our person, if you decided that you wanted to waste time actually having a body.
Excellent book, and actually not as crazy as you might think. For the last ten years I've thought there there was at least the possibility that I might have been born just in time to catch the cusp of that level of technology, and then be able to hang around through whatever followed, even if it was just as software. It's an interesting idea, and one that I find myself strangely comfortable with. I mean, I like my body okay and everything, but I don't really feel any need to actually, you know, have it exist in real-space, I would be just as happy, or maybe even more happy, with a good simulation of it running on a really fast computer.
I wonder if it means there is something wrong with me that I really don't feel like I would have any problem with that. In fact, I think that it gives you a lot more options. Weird that I would have such reservations about things like anti-depressents, but I could totally see myself having my personality uploaded to a computer.
Posted by edgore at 4:05 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Out With The Old...
...and in with the blue!
I dyed my hair the other day after getting it butchered short (really short). It's supposed to be black, but I guess the grey doesn't take the color as well, so under any kind of light it's pretty blue - kind of "Superman hair" blue.
I'm deciding now whether to do anything to fix it or not - everyone that has commented on it has commented positively, even at work. Then again, I am not the sort of person that has blue hair. It's a quandry.
Maybe I will just route around the whole question and shave my head...no really, maybe I will - it's not that far a step from where it is now.
Posted by edgore at 3:56 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 14, 2006
I Really Don't Care...
Who did what to who, or anything like that.
All I know is that, no matter what happens between us...she should have been on the show, and she would have kicked Santino's ass six ways to Sunday.
I am not saying she's right (she isn't), just that she is better than any of those people. I mean, really...haven't you ever heard of Rogaine?
Posted by edgore at 9:36 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 10, 2006
I Thought...
That I was Luke, but it turns out that I am just Kirk.
If you know what I am talking about, then, well, you know what I am talking about.
If you don't, then, I can't even begin to explain.
Posted by edgore at 8:29 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
January 4, 2006
Bad Dogs
I have very, very bad dogs.
There are some peoiple over today doing some work on the house, so I put the dogs in the backyard to keep them out of the way. Within less than an hour, Pumpkin had managed to bash through enough of the fence to get through the gap and excape, followed closely by Kitsune. Luckily, I realized what had happened right away, and got them inside before they had a chance to play in traffic. They are now securely locked up in the top half of the house.
I guess the dogs are inside dogs until I can figure out the best way to reinforce the lower parts of all the fencing.
Bad, bad dogs.
Posted by edgore at 1:54 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
December 29, 2005
Silly Dawgs
So, the dogs are having their first visit over to the new house. They are adorably stupid - they spent the first half hour over exploring the house, then after forgetting everything they had previously found, exploring it all over again.
Then they would not sit still for about an hour - just when it seemed like they might settle down, they would start chasing their tails before going exploring again.
They seem to be okay now - they have figured out that the couch is a couch, and that they can sit on it, and they know where the water bowl is. Right now Pumpkin is laying on the bed looking at me while Kitsune is lying on the floor just in front of him, also staring at me like an idiot.
The biggest excitement tonight was when Ash came over to borrow my car to remove some stuff from her ex-boyfriends house. She got the tour and saw the Roomba my parents got me for christmas. Of course, it had to be turned on...the dogs had neve sen it before and went nuts. Pumpkin is, of course, afaid of it, whi8le Kitsune is pissed off at it and won't stop barking. I'm suire that given time they will all become fast friends and the dogs will probably learn how to puch the button that turns it on so that they can play with it when I am gone.
Dogs are not here permanently yet - they are visiting for the weekend since Sharon is going to be gone. It's nice to have them around though.
Posted by edgore at 9:24 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
November 28, 2005
Moving Days
After the move three years ago, I had promised myself that I was never going to move again (knowing, of course that I would because no one was very happy about the move out to Colorado Springs). Now I find myself moving again for the second time in two months. The little room thing is just not cutting it, and I need a place where I can have a feeling of stability for at least a year while I figure out what the longer-term plan is going to be (this place being the place that I mentioned in the recent post - lease signing is today).
This post is not so much about places to live though as it is about how much I hate the act of moving. I really, really don't like having to pack up stuff, load it up, move it and then unpack it. It's tedious, it always takes longer than you think it's going to, and you have to find new places to put everything once you have unpacked it.
It's also going to be interesting living alone - I haven't done that in, like, 18 years. I've always either had roomates or a family since then. I think, given the last month, that I will do just fine - I've been enjoying living alone since I got over the whole "oh my god I'm devastated" thing about a month ago, and I think that having an actual home is going to make it even better. Not sure when the dogs will move in, but between them and the fact that I can actually have company come over once I am not in a 10 x 10 room will probably provide enough companionship for the short term. Long term there is always the possibility of getting roomates (the place is plenty big), but there is no pressing need to, so I can take the time to actually decide what I want to do.
Which, really, is not a bad situation to be in.
What do you know, the post did turn out to be more about places to live than about how much I hate moving.
Posted by edgore at 10:59 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
November 21, 2005
So...I Got It
I am now the proud renter of delapidated, but stately, manse. I move in on December 1st.
Awesome. I will take and post pictures as soon as I move in.
Posted by edgore at 4:17 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
Elegance & Decay
These two words very nicely describe the house that I am trying to rent. It's a "slightly larger than I wanted" victorian down on Cheyenne. More space than I need, but it has a private yard and a way for the dogs to get in and out on their own, which is my biggest concern. There is enough room that I could easily accomodate a roomate or two and end up paying less than I am for the single room that I am in now. Plus, it's all victorian and cool-looking inside.
Posted by edgore at 1:34 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
November 8, 2005
Officially Freaked Out
Okay...so tonight I rearranged my room so that I could take advantage of the free cable TV (which of course involves far more technology than it should - I don't have a TV, need to do it through the computer, and of course set it up so that I can record stuff).
But anyway, after re-arranging the room, I realized that all I need is a set of shelves and some theatre seats (I think I can still get those) and my room will be in the EXACT same arrangement that it was between 1987 and 1989 while I was living with Marcus. Bed in same place, computer in same place. If I add the two other items, it will be identical.
Weird. Really, really weird. Maybe this means I should start bringing girls home and talking at them while playing Bauhaus louder than you really should at 3:00am.
Need a French apt. mate to ignore also...
Posted by edgore at 10:29 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 28, 2005
Ahhhh! Coffeeeee!
For the last couple of years I have ardly been drinking any coffee at all - occasionaly (like once every couple of months) I might have a cup or two if we went out to breakfast at King's Chef or something like that.
Today when I got into work a cup of coffee sounded really good, so I poured a cup of the work-sludge. It was delicious. So I had another.
Now I am sitting in my chair, one twitching hand clutching my mouse and making rapid REM like movements around the screen as I work. The left hand has a death grip on the chair arm that would easily crush a windpipe.
No more coffee for me today...
Posted by edgore at 9:36 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
October 16, 2005
Happy Birthday to Me
So, yesterday was my birthday. 42 years old. Older by 12 years than I ever thought I would be.
Spent the evening hanging out with friends - it's nice to know that there are people who like me for who I am, enjoy talking to me, and are willing to be around me even when I am not able to be much fun. Got calls from Will and Dan, which was nice - I haven't had a chance to actually talk to either for a while.
It occured to me that it was ten years ago almost exactly the Nancy and I agreed to stop working on things (after almost 6 years in couples counseling) and prepare to move on. I moved out 4 months later. What a difference ten years can make.
Posted by edgore at 10:29 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
October 10, 2005
If...
It's the right thing to do, and everything thing points to that, why do I still feel so bad?
Posted by edgore at 2:53 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
October 9, 2005
Need Help In Colorado Springs
Over the weekend I started my big push on the cult project. I started leaving posters and flyers anywhere that I could get away with it. But I need the help of people in Colorado Springs. I have put flyers out at the Cafe on Tejon, and at all the Independant Records, and I put posters up at Poor Richards, but I need more locations where I can drop stuff off. If you know of anyplace in Colorado Springs that will let people put up small posters or leave a stack of flyers, please let me know so I can drop some off.
I am interested to see what if any response I get from people...so far a lot of flyers have been taken, but no emails or anything yet.
Posted by edgore at 10:43 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
October 4, 2005
w00t w00t!
My post about the Blackmail Boxes got picked up by BoingBoing. Yeah for me! Even more though, yeah for Chaos Studios who actually made the art that I merely photographed.
Posted by edgore at 1:15 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 20, 2005
Meat Dream
Last night I was having a very hard time. My emotions were conflicted and I didn't know what to do about it. I was angry, I was hurt, and I knew that neither of those were going to do anything to help the situation. So I found some old things and spent some time looking at them. It really brought me back to a much better place, a place where, by seeing the beginning, it reminded me of how it got here, and how it doesn't have to be like this.
Anyway, later, I fell asleep. And I had the strangest dream. We (Sharon, Ashley, Keiran and myself) were parked outsite of what looked like a greek resturaunt. Sharon and I went inside to see what they had. It was basically greek style food, but with the widest array of possible meats that you can imagine. There was the usual pork, goat, lamb, beef and chicken, of course. But there was so much more; bear (including Polar), wolf which was distrubing because it would taste like dog, Fox, Otter, all sorts of things. All of it stacked in cases, along with other, non-edible oddities, like ancient medical equipment, preserved speciman jars, dinosaur bones. I can't even remember. Sharon and I got a table, then I went back to get the kids, who were still in the car.
When I got back to the table we were now sharing the able with another couple (with room left for the kids). I grabbed Keiran and started taking him around to look at everything - I can't remember what, though I do recall a machine that dispensed Corn Dogs, and another that dispensed kabbob - Chicken, Beef or Pork, which seemed weird for a place that serves otter.
We went back to the table, Keiran excited about the possibility of eating wolf. When we got there, Sharon pointed out a huge set of jumbo flatscreens that bisected the room, displaying moving logos of animals on each side. There was this creepy South Aamerican bird that literally splits its mouth all the way, its beak opened like a clamshell. Then on another screen there was some kind of hawk, or, as it turned out a Bald Eagle. When I finally saw the North Coast Manatee, I realized that everthing on the screens was an endangered species and pointed this out the everyone. We all immediately understood that the stylized images of endangered species - things we could not eat - were intended to help us work up an appitite for the merely threatened species we were going to eat. Table service was horrible and it was taking forver to put in our orders. For some reason I wandered off and into the back yard of the restaurant (it HAD A BACK YARD, okay?). There were lots of big trees, and most strangely, Teen's dad was there, trying to sell some people on a dotcom venture of some sort. He got them interested, and when they agreed to buy in, he took out a giant hunting knife and went off to this one already pretty slashed at trees and hacked at it to get some wood chips. He then went over to another tree and using the knife slashed off a thin, whip-like branch.
Taking the branch, he began to climb another tree until he came level with a natural beehive that was far up in the branchs. He took out the whip-like stick and began to just beat on the nest with it.
Bees came pouring out of the hive, and racing right toward me. I started to run, and as I ran I put my arms out at my sides, like "T" shape with a head. With each step I would put a little bounce into, wave my arms gently, and bob my head.
My reasoning was that a bee cannot land on something that is moving vertically and horizontally at the same time, which made sense the dream. And no bees landed on me, though the swarmed all around me.
For as weird as it was, I woke up refreshed and feeling happy. I don't know if it's because Sharon and the kids were in the dream, because the bees swarming around me were beautiful, or because of all the rare meats.
Posted by edgore at 9:46 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
September 16, 2005
Old School (in the lower left-hand corner)
For some reason I was thinking about the old days of the Internet (like 1997) and fondly recalling a project I worked on back then called Recycle City for the EPA. God, it looks so ghetto now, but at the time, it was near state of the art! Well, as near to state of the art as you could get with a budget of $5K.
<pour_malt_liquor_on_ground>A shout out the Deb Clifford and Brian Colwell, co-founders of Recycle City!</pour_malt_liquor_on_ground>
Posted by edgore at 5:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 8, 2005
The Death of the Mix-Tape
The other day, for the first time in about 8 years, I found myself needing to convey feelings that cannot be easily conveyed using mere words. My first instinct (being from that generation) was to put together a mix-tape, the selections of which would perfectly distill my complex emotional message into a series of pop songs, including, I'm guessing by The Smiths, March Violets, Catherine Wheel and one Thomas Dolby song.
Then it hit me, I could make this mix tape...put could the recipient play it? Confusion set in at that point. I know that the tapes target has a portable CD player...but for the life of me, I am not sure that they have a tape player.
My thoughts then turned to making a mix CD. This idea was quickly discarded though. Making a mix tape is an act of love. It's sitting there and waiting while each song plays, then hitting stop at just the right time so that there will be a small gap between the songs. It times time and it takes effort. If you make a mistake you have to redo it and hope that you don't screw up the song before the song you screwed up. You have to carefully plan out the sequence in advance, since once you start there is no turning back.
With a CD it's to easy. A Mix CD has no meaning - it's the product of a few minutes work...most of it waiting for the thing to write.
Shortly after thinking all of that, I realized that I sold my dual cassette deck on Ebay a few months ago and had no way of making a tape anyway.
So those feelings remain untranslated into any format that could be used to communicate them.
Posted by edgore at 6:15 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 9, 2005
Phrase for the day
Persona Au-Gratin: A person who exhibits, or revels in great cheesy-ness.
Usage: "After Edwin purchased the Paul Anka album "Rock Swings" everyone considered him Persona Au Gratin"
Posted by edgore at 9:28 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
December 2, 2004
Cult site is up
Alrighty. I've now built a basic site for my cult. Feel free to take a look at it, and donate your worldly belongings to me.
Posted by edgore at 8:11 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
November 30, 2004
Again with the Cult
So, I have decided that it's time to get serious about starting a cult. I mean, really, have you seen what passes for religion these days? I can certainly do better.
Some of you long time readers (yes, I know, I am talking to myself) may remember when I originally decided to start a cult.
Well, now it's time to get serious.
To kick things off, I am going to post a series of promotional images that I have created to build my mystique, and gather a following.
You can see them here. And here. Oh, and here.
Yes, I know. The last one sucks.
But still, a year from now, I will be up to my ears in followers.
And you will still be working a $9.95/hr job fixing someone elses's HTML.
Posted by edgore at 11:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 2, 2004
Goin' Back To Cali
Sharon and I are going to be back in San Francisco from late Friday (the 6th) through the 15th. We have a wedding on the 7th to attend, but other than that our schedule is pretty wide open. If you anyone rememebers who we are, please feel free to post a comment and get in touch, we would love to have lunch with you, or go to your parties.
Posted by edgore at 10:41 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack<