Recently in Personal Blahgging Category

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I know that misc. people that knew Marcus occasionally run across this site, so I figured it was worthwhile to post this here.

I am working with Marcus Brooks's mom to try and put together a site to host images of Marcus's artwork. Mary (his mom) has the slides of most of his work. If anyone who knew him is interested in doing some work on this, especially web design, let know. Nothing fancy, just a place to share his artwork with the world. I can easily put together a state of the web-circa-1996 quality site, but if anyone would like to donate some time to help improve it, it would be appreciated. Really, all that's needed is the initial setup, since this is intended to be an archival site.

Also, if you have anything he did that you would be willing to scan and send in that would be appreciated as well.

I really can't believe that it has been 7 years since we lost him.


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Holden Lee 7 lbs 3 oz 20 Inches. Born at 4:17 PM, June 20th
And his proud parents

If anyone would like mailing address info, please let me know.


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1. I am going to try to care less about things. Over the last, let's say, 7 years, I have allowed outside events to impact me greatly. This has led to me being sad about things that I cannot possibly effect, like last year's concern about the Darfur genocide. This year, I have decided that I am not going to do that. Things that don't affect me directly really shouldn't effect me at all. Unless something impacts my tiny little sphere of reality - like, say, high taxes - I am not going to let it bother me at all. *

2. In my personal life, I am going to be far more selfish, and less giving. Unless something makes me feel good, there is no reason to do it. Everyone else screws everyone else over, so I really feel like I am missing the boat on this.*

3. I am going to spend more time playing video games. I increased the number of hours I spent doing this significantly this year, but I really think that I can do better at it this year, if I can just apply myself. **

* These resolutions are lies. I will continue to worry about things that I cannot change and do what little I can to make the world a better place, both in my public and private lives.

** This resolution is not a lie; really - have you SEEN what is coming out this year? I need to devote at least 15% of my life to playing new games, plus about another 10% to playing good stuff I missed in the past. Right now I am playing Lego Star Wars II, the Original Trilogy, which is awesome. Apparently Ben Kenobi is a real jerk, if I am playing him. Hypnotizing Jawas, then cutting their heads off while they are stunned...what a dick.


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Another year is ticking by, and looking back at last year I must say I did a very good job of keeping my resolutions.

I suppose that I need to come up with another set of resolution for this year, but last year's were so good I find myself having a hard time coming up with anything better. Since things are very slow at work I suppose that I will devote some time today to staring into the distance and thinking about what I need to do over the next year.

At long last the old house on Whispering has sold, closing the books on the sorry saga of the last 10 years.. I don't even want to think about the amount of money that I lost (I had to actually bring a check to the closing to cover realtor's fees), but even with tens of thousands of dollars down the drain it's worth it to get out from under the crushing monthly payments and the worry of something expensive happening to the house.

Well...Now what?

I Resolve...

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What with the New Year and all I was thinking that I should probably sit down and write up a list of things that I think I should be doing, and claim that I am really, really going o do them in the coming year- you know, typical New Year's Resolutions.

After thinking about that for a little while, I decided to instead resolve to do the things that I am likely to do anyway - my success is assured this way, you see? So, without further ado, here are my resolutions for 2007:

I Will Play More Videogames
I spend a lot of time playing videogames already, so this will be a hard one to keep, but I am sure that given a little hard work, and continued lack of a social life I will be able to do this. As long as there are timesucking, pointless games like Final Fantasy, Oblivion and Viva Pinata that tap into my primitive lizard-brain reward mechanisms I think I have a chance. Major timewasters I have lined up for 2007 include Spore, God of War II, lot's of DS and Wii games, and replaying through all of the Final Fantasies (currently in the middle of 3 on the DS). I resolve not to even try any online games, since every one I have ever tried is mind-numbingly dull.

I Will Spend More Time Alone
Let's face it, people suck. This year I plan to do absolutely nothing to go out of my way to meet new people. I will stick with the people I already know, and I will not waste time that could be spent doing things like reading, playing videogames, or watching movies trying to make connections with other human beings - they are all like aliens to me anyway. I will still spend time with my existing friends, of course; in fact, I might actually start inviting people over again after my 8 month hiatus...or maybe not.

I Will Feel Really Bad About Things I Cannot Affect
Everything from Global Warming to the Darfur Genocide will continue to weigh on me and make me feel bad about the world and humanity, even though there is really nothing that I can do about them. I will worry about politics and how everyday everything seems to slip a little further away from reason. I won't do anything about it - in fact, I will generally be upset about my own impotence.

I Will Continue to do Research For My Book
So that I don't have to, you know, actually work on writing it. I will instead continue to add to my formidable library of biographies and historical non-fiction that I tell myself I have to get through before I can even begin working on the book.

I Will Be Less Optimistic
I have always been a pretty optimistic," things will work out" kind of a guy. This doesn't really map to well with reality, so I'm afraid that like belief in Santa, God, and the Easter Bunny, Optimism goes onto the list of consciousness phenomena that probably have some neurological or evolutionary basis, but no basis in reality. I will continue to cling to my belief in the Tooth Fairy, because someday I would like to know the gruesome truth about what she does with all the teeth.

I Will Think Less
It seems to work for everyone else.

Psycho Analysis

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Watched "Thank You For Smoking" tonight, a highly, highly recommended movie. Great acting, creepy kid, Katie Holmes not being married to Tom Cruise; really very little to complain about.

However, it reminded me again of my love for "Boston Legal" and the sexy, sexy sociopaths that inhabit it. "Thank You For Smoking" is inhabited by pretty much the same type of people. Yes, there is the main character who is obviously a sociopath, but all the other characters basically are as well. They are horrible people that have no idea how their actions impact other people.

And I love them.

What is it with my attraction to dangerous, horrible sociopaths (really...all my relationship's except for one. If we have dated and you are reading this, obviously, you are that one exception, okay)?

After spending a lot of time (over an hour!) thinking about it, I have come to the conclusion that it's a "remembrance of things past" thing. I am attracted to/fascinated by sociopaths because it's a "the road not taken" thing. There was a time (about twenty-one years ago) when I was that "really, really selfish and really, really happy-with-himself" person.

I miss that, sometimes.

I spend all of my time these days doing "the right-thing". It's what I ultimately always have to do; but I sometimes miss being that selfish jerk on occasion. Not that I would admit it, but, you know, when I am lying awake in bed at 4:30 in the morning it does cross my mind.

I think that is why I love Boston Legal and "Thank You For Smoking"; not because I see myself in them, (no matter how much I might practice the "Alan Shore" inflections) but because I see the shallow, happy jerk I could have been instead, and, God, I want that sometimes. I really, really do.

But I can't have it. Not that I am "too good", or better than that, or anything like that - I simply don't have the stomach for it anymore; I have too much empathy for my fellow man/woman.


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Ich kann nicht dieses alles auf meinen selbst tun.
Ich weiß, ich bin kein uber-mensch.

Ich wünsche, daß Buchstaben von „Str. anderwohin“ oben in meinem Leben zeigen würden, also könnte es der autistische Zickleins auch sein Traum eines.


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My divorce is final. Yeah me. It took nearly a year, but the final signed-by-a-judge papers arrived this weekend.

It's not you...

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- It's me. I'm still going through a hard time right now, and I think that it's important for me to spend some time, you know, getting in touch with me.

I'm honestly not blowing anyone off. I just need some time alone right now to figure out what's going on.

I love you all, honest. Just not, you know, in that way. But I really do want for us to be friends once I work out what's going on with me.

Okay, actually, I have been sequestered in my compound watching both seasons of Dead Like Me and crying like a baby (because they cancelled this truly, truly excellent show).. Also catching up on Entourage. And the new fall season is going to be kicking off over the next two weeks, so really, what's a boy supposed to do?

I just don't think I'm good for you right now. You deserve better. I would only hurt you...or make you watch GIlmore GIrls.

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