July 15, 2008

Relocation

I think I failed to mention this to just about anyone, but I have moved. I suppose that if pressed I might tell you where, but I doubt it will come to that.

The plan was, in theory, to move out of my awesome dilapidated mansion into something more practical. The dilapidated mansion was really too big for one person and cost the GDP of a small nation to heat in the winter. So a new house was selected that was smaller (in square footage, though still too big for one person) and, most importantly...air conditioned. I was more than willing to make a deal with the devil and even out my incredibly high winter bills and very small summer bills for medium bills all year round and 70 degree temperatures throughout the year.

In practice I appear to have moved into one of those boxes that the Japanese put Alec Guinness into "Bridge over the River Kwai". The temperature outside right now is about 70 degrees, while inside the house it is...*checks thermostat*...85. The temperature has actually gone up a degree since I got home and things outside cooled off.

So now I am in a smaller home, which is hotter, and all of my books, while shelved, are not alphabetized and it's driving me mad. Hopefully things will improve tomorrow when the landlord comes over to fix the AC.

For those of you who have asked, I will have more pictures of Holden soon...

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June 15, 2008

Everything and Nothing

Interesting in that there is nothing going on in my life, yet I stand on a tipping point where everything is about to change and I don't really know how.

Everything - in that within the next couple of days, I will - to the degree that someone who has never fathered child can - become a grandfather. I have to say that I have never been quite so touched by anything as hearing someone say "Oh, Ed is your father in law, no matter what...are you crazy?". It's another reminder that the families we make are the families that matter. Even if they don't end up the way we originally planned, they last forever. Jesse and James, Ashley and Kieran; these are my children and I see myself in them all the time, sometimes in ways I never would have expected. Strangely I only see the best of me in them, and I am thankful for that. I am not the best person in so many ways and it amazes me how great my kids are. If they can be eight times the person I have been...let's see...split by four...They will be twice the person I was, and they deserve nothing less.

Nothing - I had a whole nothing thing planned. but it mostly involved the amount of time I have been spending playing Pirates of the Caribbean Online, which is the least sucky MMPORPG I have ever played. So...I am thinking I will skip that ...

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September 14, 2007

A Significant Lack of Posting

I'm not sure whether I don't have anything to post about, or if there are simply so many things that I could post about that I am paralyzed by a plethora of possibilities.

I am finally getting around to watching the first season of Heroes, which is very good, but doesn't grab me the way that Lost does. Seriously, Heroes is filled with all these completely unbelievable coincidences and pre-existing relations between characters that are completely ridiculous, while the characters in Lost have intricately detailed and cross-linked back stories that intertwine in surprising and delightful ways. Totally different.

I should probably also have been posting about Bioshock. Not because it's an excellent video game (especially if you haven't already played the two System Shock games that came before it), though it is, but because of the surrounding chaos I have experienced. Shortly after getting Bioshock (about 15 hours into the 20 hours of game play later), my Xbox 360 decided to stop reading Xbox 360 game discs, going so far as to actually scratch up the shiny new Bioshock disc. This is the second time that my Xbox 360 has done this, and normally something like that would be irritating enough to post about it. Not these days though, I don't know why.

You would think that the current political scene, with our forces winning a great victory that will let us go back, a year from now, to a deployment only slightly higher than what we have last year (oh, also we are out of soldiers) would be enough to stir me up to write something. Wrong though. Anyone that does not already realize what a fiasco this whole thing is will not be swayed by another post about it at this point.

Even Larry Craig couldn't drum up my interest.

Even seeing someone for the last few months has not resulted in anything postable, possibly because it's going well, possibly because she is a pretty private person and would be averse to blogging her, and possibly because no one but Marcus could possibly fully appreciate the flat out, mind warping, face melting weirdness of the situation. Trust, it would blow his mind.

In any case, there is no point to this post except to remind myself that there are things that I could be posting about, but that I am not. The thought being that maybe this will encourage me to write more, which I have not been doing much lately. The reality being that, looking over the topics above, there is just really nothing interesting to anyone but me there to post about.

I probably need to just start making up stuff and posting it without labeling it as fiction again. You would be surprised how many people freaked out about the moving into my cubicle story.

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May 15, 2007

Better Hope There Is No Hell...

Jerry Falwell: Jackass, inhumanitarian, dead guy.

"I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America. I point the finger in their face and say 'you helped this happen.'"

"I hope I live to see the day when, as in the early days of our country, we won't have any public schools. The churches will have taken them over again and Christians will be running them."

Sorry I can't say anything nice about him. In fact, I should probably shut up before I let slip a "good riddence" or "about freaking time". Aw crap - too late.

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April 23, 2007

What Are You Protesting?

That, however, was the least interesting thing I did yesterday.

After the reading Melanie's friend Stephanie was doing an art project that involved about a dozen or so people, wearing fake hazmat suits and filter/gas masks marching downtown carrying signs with vague slogans on them while Stephanie photographed the reactions of the people nearby.

It was very interesting. Even though the signs all contained vague messaging that was not "against" anything, or really even about anything if you took them as a group, most people assumed it was a protest. Even stranger, many people vocalized their support for our unspecified cause. Others got the references to new-agey apocalypse memes in some of the signs and would say things like "Oh, the Mayan Calendar", as if that explained everything to them. The one sign that mentioned bee die offs got a lot of response with people mentioning the (almost certainly apocryphal) Einstein bee quote.

Overall it was just interesting seeing what meaning people read into an essentially meaningless event. My personal favorite came toward the end when a girl asked me "Why are you wearing the suits"? I lifted my mask enough to reply "For Protection". It was like a light bulb went off in her head. "Oh, duh. Of course, protection" she said to herself as she wandered off. I would really like to know what clicked in her head that made it all suddenly make sense.

Along the way (the whole march was maybe an hour and a half) we picked up five bystanders who suited up, put on masks and joined the march.

Oh, I am the one with the "Prepare for the Worst Hope for the Best" sign. I think my hazmat suit makes me look fat.

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April 12, 2007

And The World Is A Little Smaller

As you probably already know by now, Kurt Vonnegut died last night.

While I haven't read his last few books, I followed his essays over the last 5 years and found in them a voice of reason in a world that is increasingly insane and driven by fear. When I was younger, Breakfast of Champions, Slaughterhouse Five, Cat's Cradle and Sirens of Titan changed the way I looked at the world and my place in it. Though I never met him, I think that I can honestly say that without Kurt Vonnegut I would not be the person that I am today. Surprisingly, I do not hold that against him.

(Is there something wrong with me that I eulogize both Don Adams & Kurt Vonnegut?

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March 4, 2007

What is Wrong With My Dog?

Anyone who can diagnose his condition will get a free lick-a-stick package, with the sticks hardly even used.

Only the third picture and beyond counts.

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February 14, 2007

Another Nail in My Meat Eating Coffin

A parrot that can use 950 words, in context, to hold conversations. It can also create new word combinations to describe unfamiliar concepts and understands past, present and future tenses.

This of course follows Rico the dog that recognizes 750 different objects and, if put into a room with 13 items he knew and one that he didn't, would respond to "Get the (thing that he doesn't know)" by picking that item out of the group, a feat of deduction I doubt I can perform reliably.

So, at this point, how do I really know that cows are not sitting out there in the field doing differential equations in their heads, or that mice aren't really experimenting on us?

Of course, I also tear-up whenever the Pedigree shelter dog ad comes on and they say "I know I am a good dog", so pay no attention to me.

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December 24, 2006

The War On Christmas

The whole "Secular Humanists are trying to destroy Christmas by insisting that people say "Happy Holidays"" thing is really driving my crazy, for several reasons.

I think that what bothers me most is that, let's face it, Christmas is observed by more secular humanists than any other holiday. I don't know anyone that is not Jewish that celebrates Hanukkah, or any non-Muslims that fast for Ramadan. I don't know anyone at all that celebrates Kwanzaa.

But I know tons of non-religious, even atheistic people that celebrate Christmas. I am about the most secular humanist that you will ever find, and while I don't have a tree or a nativity scene around, I have Christmas presents. For me Christmas has very little to do with the seizure of a pagan festival for Catholic recruiting (it's traditional meaning), and everything to do with separating the people I know into those who are worthy of a present,and those who are not. Really, isn't that the true reason for the season?

Personally, I started consciously saying "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" at least ten years ago. The reason, surprisingly, wasn't because I wanted to destroy the (apparently very, very fragile) foundations of modern Christianity. It was because what I was trying to communicate with this well wishing was not about me - it was about the person I was wishing well to. While I might be celebrating Christmas, when I wished well to someone, I had no idea what holiday they might be celebrating, and it seemed a bit, well, dickish to assume that I could impose my holiday on them. So I started saying "Happy Holidays". Because it's not about what I want - it's about what I am wishing for them.

And that, I think, is what people like Bill O'Reilly will never get - that, for a moment, it is not about them.

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Home Again, Home Again

I wimped out - I admit it. When, at about 5:30, with only 120 miles to go to home I began hallucinating, I pulled over and took a nap for an hour and a half.

But, at 9:40 on Saturday morning I made it home. I did not, as so many predicted (you, and I, know who you are), die in a horrible car accident. I fell asleep for 4 hours right away. I got to see Kieran and overall X-Mas has gone pretty well.

Thanks to all who wished me well, in that they wished me no specific harm.

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December 23, 2006

My Holiday Adventure

Thursday morning I got the the airport here in Philadelphia when it opened - 5:00. There were already lines forming up at the United desk since, as I already knew, all flights going through Denver had been cancelled due to weather. It's also the middle of the Christmas travel season.

Four and a half hours later I made it to the ticket counter, where I learned that there was no way I was getting on an airplane before December 27. This is not only after Christmas, it's the day after Kieran goes back to Seattle. I had to leave for Philadelphia on business the day before he came out, of course, so I haven't been able to see him (though he's was snowed in at my house in Colorado Springs with Ashley). I somehow, have to get home before he leaves...

By 4:15 I made it to the Greyhound station, with tickets to Colorado springs, but no promises about buses actually making the last leg of the trip. If everything goes well, I'll be home by Saturday morning; after a 42 hour bus trip.

Did I mention that I couldn't get to sleep at all Wednesday night? As I get on the bus I haven't slept in 32 hours.

Friday morning we made it into St. Louis without incident. I managed to sleep maybe two hours on the bus. The reading lights on the bus are turned off, so I spent all the rest of the time staring out into the dark.

I made my transfer to the Kansas City line, and we arrive there a little late, but in time to make my connection. However, upon arrival we find out that there are 120 people there that have been stranded for three days, and that there are only two buses leaving at 7:45, and another leaving at 12:30 AM. My chances of getting on a bus before 6:30 AM on Saturday are tiny, and even if I made it, I am not getting to Colorado Springs before late Saturday night.

I don't know if it was the 2 hours of sleep in 58 hours, or the thought of staying awake another 11 hours to wait for a bus, but something snaps...and I have a brilliant idea.

A cab ride to the airport, a rental car, a modifinal and 5 hours later, I am in Salinas Kansas - 420 miles from home, wide awake in a Flying J truckstop getting something to eat. Best estimates say that I will arrive home around 5:00AM after a night of non-stop driving.

I am crazy, but I will make it home for Christmas...

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November 14, 2006

When You Are Dead

When you are dead, you don’t know how long you have been dead. How long you have been dead is one of those things that matters to alive people, but not to dead people.

Dead people have other, more important, things to worry about anyway. Worrying about the wives, husbands, children, friends and lovers that you left behind fills all of your time, even though there is nothing you can do for them, because, well, you’re dead.

It’s hard to describe what it’s like when you’re dead. Not that you would ever need to describe it, because there will never be other dead people to describe it to and alive people would never understand.

You’re everywhere...in that you are nowhere in particular. Being dead isn’t like being in a place; instead it’s exactly like not being in any place. There’s nothing to see, maybe because you don’t have anything to see with, or maybe just because there’s nothing to be seen. The same goes for hearing, tasting, smelling and touching. It doesn’t feel like anything to be dead, you’re just dead.

Dead people don’t miss anything. You don’t need anything, because, remember, you’re dead, so you don’t miss anything. You just worry about the people you left behind, even though you can’t remember who they were these wives, husbands, children, friends and lovers.

There are alive people that say they can talk to dead people, but usually it isn’t true. These alive people just make up things that other alive people would like to hear. They say that you are happy, or that you miss the alive people you have left behind. But that’s not true, because you are not happy, or sad, and you don’t miss anything, because, again, you are dead. They will say that they feel your presence, but they don’t, because you aren’t anywhere.

But there are people who really can talk to dead people, and they don’t make up things. They ask questions like “Did anyone in the room lose a Jason or a John? What about a Jack?” and look expectantly around the room. Sometimes there is no name, just a feeling that someone in the room knows a dead person with an “R” in their name. Someone in the room always knows a dead person with an “R” in their name; there are a lot of dead people, after all.

Someone who can really talk to dead people hardly ever gets anything right. They get the names of pets wrong, and they can’t describe that one summer at the lake. For every thing they get right, they will get ten things wrong, and be corrected by the wives, husbands, children, friends and lovers left behind. The alive people you left behind end up doing all the work, telling the person that can talk to dead people all about you, instead of the other way around.

That is why you worry about them. The alive people that you left behind are the only ones that remember who you were, what you did, and why you mattered. You can’t do that any more, because, after all, you are dead.

(This story was something that came out of contemplating how horrible it would be if the "John Edward"-implied after life of sitting around waiting for John Edward to show up and talk to you was real. It turned into something a little different though).

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September 4, 2006

Steve Irwin Is Dead!

On my god! I just found out that Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter, has died, after being stung in the chest by a sting ray.

I love Steve Irwin - his shows had the same sort of spirirt that the old Marlon Perkins's Wild Kingdom shows had in my childhood, except that rather than sending his assistant "Jim" in to wrestle the animals, Steve did it himself, frequently while carrying a baby.

Damn, this is depressing.

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September 2, 2006

A VERY Exciting Day!

So, new people have moved in next door. Normally, this would not be worthy of comment, since I have no connections to my fellow man, but...they have a dog! Today I was out working in the backyard, completing my totally ghetto toolshed (actually, it's a tool-lean-to, but who is counting) and all day I, and the dogs have been aware tha there is a dog next door that has been left alone. Suprisingly my dogs have been pretty cool about it, not going nuts and chasing it up and down the fence - mostly because the other dog is not interested.

Anyway, after a couple of hours I glance over towards the neighbor's yard and I see that there is a dog on top of their fence. Moments later the dog leaps off, and out into freedom. Frantically, I leap up and go grab the dog and put it back. It's name is Nicoysa, and it's a very, very sweet dog. I am not arrested going into my neighbor's backyard.

This happens again.

Twice.

I finally decide that this dog is far too taltented to be left in a yard (plus, I am geting tireed of chasing it), so I print up a note and saying where the dog is, and bring it home. I figure that Pumpkin and Kitusne have not been going nuts throught he fence with it, so it will be fine. Turns out that Kitsune get's along with Nicoysa jsut fine and they are cool with each other. Pumpkin, on the other hand likes Nicoysa. A LOT.

So I have to keep them seperated.

Basically, we had an exciting day, with another dog around the house and I came to the realization that I can never, ever get another dog because Kitsune would be fine, but Pumpkin is a dirty, dirty old man that cannot be left alone for a moment with another dog.

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August 31, 2006

Why do I have this blog?

Is it because of the huge amounts of trim that it brings in? (no)

Is it because people are fascinated by my life? (no)

Is it because my experiments in brain chemistry MUST be documented for future generations? (So far, no)

Is it because I feel it provides a tiny, tiny straw from which you can all sip a little bit of the freaking endless ocean that is me?

Yeah. That's it. I'm pretty sure, that's it.

Suck it deep, and enjoy.

(I have no idea what I am talking about, but really, why do I bother with this (aside from my three, beloved, readers of course)).

Maybe I am a narcissistic mad man, who needs to know that thousands of people are visiting his website every day ( I have the logs to back it up).

Maybe it's because that means there are millions of people in the world with less of a life than I have. Maybe I am just tired, my sleep meds aren't working, and I really, really need my 21st century smart pills to show up. All my hopes are riding on these things - I used to be smart and good looking. I want one of those back, and unfortunately, it's looking like smart is the one I can get with pills, not knives (knives are surprisingly expensive).

For the next few entries (this one obviously included) I am going to go for a stream of conscious, unedited, what the hell am I saying kind of thing. No barriers, no "oh, I can't say that - my mom reads this thing" kind of thing. I'll be interested to see what comes up.

Confession one: I miss sex, but honestly, I don't want to have sex. It's not a lack of availability, sour grapes, kind of thing either (which is weird in and of itself). It's been a year since I had sex, and I can't even imagine what it would be like to try. What would I even say to somebody? Why on earth would they want to? Why on earth would I want too? I don’t feel connected to people anymore - they are there, and I like to talk to them and stuff, but why on earth would I want to do anything else? People are poisonous.

More confessions to follow (thank god no one at work knows about this blog, other than Nick the Ernst and Young SOX auditor who thinks I have awesome taste in music, which I do. If you have never heard Kenickie, you should run right out and get some, "Come Out 2nite" is probably the greatest song ever written, after Will's hobo song.

I wonder sometimes if this is not part of the problem - how on earth I am going to find, near my age, who understands half the things that I love, much less all of them. I think I was born somewhere between 10 and 1000 years too early. Too bad my last wife was born a thousand years to late – right?

I really, really envy crazy people. Half the time I tell myself that I am on the edge of that, but honestly, I couldn’t do that. I am too well put together to actually toss everything and live out of a grocery basket, however momentarily attractive it might seem. I’m sane, and I am stuck with it. Hell, I am not even sure that I have the guts to take whatver I get after upgrading and selling off the house and daring to do something I want.

God damn that’s unfair…only crazy people get to go crazy.

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August 29, 2006

Not a Thought In My Head

I haven't posted anything because, frankly, I hate you all and you are bringing me down.

Actually, I just don't have a thing to say. Work is busy, but good. Work on the old house house proceeds apace (it's vaguely possible that the painting might start this week. Sharon really needs to get her stuff out of the old garage (not for me - I'm just worried that some stuff might get damaged during the construction).

I am thinking about saving a lot of money to go to Belgrade, site of the only remaining Tesla Museum. That, and tons of hot Eastern European girls. I'm just saying.

I promise I will write more in the future. I think I have a new messing with my brain chemistry experiment coming up soon. Ever heard of Provigil?

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July 25, 2006

Busy as a Bee That Is Very, Very Busy

I was out of town last week in Memphis, so obviously there was nothing to post while there. Work, hot, humid. Bad, bad, bad. 'nuff said.

Since returning I have been preparing my short (<30 seconds that's the rules) film for Lorelei's Blipverts mini-filmfest in San Francisco, on the announced theme of "Blue". You can see a rough cut here - be warned it's 20 megs, and you need something that can read .vob files (PowerDVD on WIndows will, for example).

After seeing the Dresden Dolls filmfest on Saturday Mellani is now all excited about doing stop motion animation, and asked "How do they do that". This is my 4 minutes of screwing around to explain how it works - highlighting the importance of careful control of the lights (a negative example). I think that is our next project - stop motion animating a feature film using stuff we find lying around (We could actually make a GOOD version of the Brave Little Toaster - with a real, fire breathing toaster!).

So, anyway, that's what I have been up to. Sorry for not posting for over a week. I am a bad, bad person.

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July 12, 2006

This is Participatory Exercise

Which would you rather be - Smart, or Happy?

The two seem to be mutually exclusive. One of my favorite books opens with the protagonist on the roof of an asylum with a sharp, sharp pencil pressed to his ear considering this problem, and threatening to make the choice right there.

Which would you pick, smart, or happy? I would start off the responses, but honestly I can't decide, since from all observable evidence having one really does mean abdicating the other. I know what I have now, and I don't know that I could be happy as a person that didn't use the word abdicating correctly in a sentence. Does that mean that I am stuck with smart, and that happy will remain a non-option?

I expect comments. Yes, I am looking at you.

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June 30, 2006

Awesome

It just reinforces my desire to live in New York.

Just click the damn link. (totally work-spouse-child-parent-baby-Jesus safe)

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Home on the Fringe

Monday night I was sitting at home and I realized that I didn’t need it.

It’s been over a year since I had anyone over and I don’t know any of my neighbors. I pay for heat, electricity, water, internet access, for cable television, and a telephone that never rings. Why?

I walked through the house trying to understand why I own all this stuff. Books I’ve already read, CDs I’ve already ripped, and appliances I don’t even use.

I packed a bag with enough clothes to last a week at work, and grabbed my sleeping bag out of the closet (where it has been, unused, for three years), and raided the bathroom cabinets for medicine and toiletries that I would need where I was going. I also took one towel, and my alarm clock.

I called my landlord and left a message that I was leaving, and to use the deposit for the last month’s rent. I apologized to the machine for not giving 30 days notice.

I spent the rest of the night dragging furniture out of the house and filling garbage bags with everything else. I put it all out on the curb with a sign that said “FREE”. I stopped and stared at the sign for a minute wondering was it a label for the pile, or an announcement of my new status.

Tuesday night, after work, I moved into my cubicle.

By around eight o’clock everybody but the security guy at the desk is one, so I went to my car and pulled out my stuff and brought it in. After 6 you have to sign in, but since I had just left the building a minute ago the security waved me past without really paying any attention to what I was carrying. They really only pay attention to what you carry out, not what you bring in.

My clothes went into the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet, with room to spare for the sleeping bag. The top left drawer of my desk became the medicine cabinet. I rolled out the sleeping bag on the floor and maneuvered it around until I found a position where I could lay down and not hit a filing cabinet or a cube wall, and where I didn’t stick out into the aisle; diagonal, head under the desk to block out the lights, which are half-on all night.

I took my monitor off the desk and put it on the floor, so I could watch TV shows I downloaded off the internet. I set my alarm clock, and somewhere around eleven I fell asleep.

My alarm clock woke me up at five. Normally, I get up later, but I didn’t want there to be any chance of some early bird strolling in finding me. I don’t think I would get in any real trouble - could claim I had a late night and decided to crash with a sleeping bag I had in my car. It would be embarrassing though and I can only use that excuse once, so I would rather save it.

Got up, took out some clothes and took the stairs down to the fitness center, to avoid the security guy at the front. Showered, shaved, I found that I actually had a lot of time before work started, so I decided to actually use the fitness center for the first time since I started, which was stupid, since I had to shower again. I’m learning how this works though. From then on, I shower last.

Wednesday night is “Fruit Night”.

The company has this employee moral building thing they do each Wednesday night. Some service comes through and puts bowls of fruit into all of the break rooms. While they were here I hung out in the PC Test Lab, with the door locked. After I was sure they had left I went through the building and took the stuff I liked. It all went into three bags that I boldly labeled “ALLAN’S” and stashed in three refrigerators around the floor. I can eat at the cafeteria during the day, and get stuff from the snack machines at night, but I am afraid that I will get scurvy or rickets if that’s all I eat

Thursday and Friday night are not special. I avoid the security guy, and watch TV shows I’ve downloaded during the day.

Saturday and Sunday nights are hot and muggy, since the air conditioning is not turned on over the weekend. I end up sleeping on top of the sleeping bag both nights. I drove three blocks to a strip mall and did my laundry – it was the first time I’ve had to leave the building since I got my stuff out of my car. I also discover that the executive kitchen has a supply of cup-o-soup packets.

Monday, I start pocketing packets of crackers when I go to the cafeteria.

Fast forward, one month.

Monday morning my boss told me that she’s noticed the extra hours I am putting in. It seems like I am the first in and the last out every day.

Tuesday morning I am take the stairs up from the fitness center and an executive admin stops me. I’m afraid for a second that she knows about the soup, but instead she tells me that I look great, and asks if I have lost weight. When I asked her if she would like to have lunch sometime in the cafeteria, she said yes.

Today it’s Wednesday morning, and I am sitting in my cube. I know all my neighbors, and people drop by all the time. I have heat, electricity, water, internet access, downloaded TV shows, and a telephone that’s always ringing.

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June 25, 2006

Let the Buyer Beware...

It turns out that there is an enormous difference between Bloody Mary Mix and just buying V8 and adding your own spices. We are talking about a 1000% difference in the amount of vitamins between the two, and no real difference in cost.

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May 24, 2006

Selfish Help

Another potential project I am thinking of arises from my loathing of all self help gurus.Honestl;y - Dr. Phil is some fat dumbass who can''t stop eating twinkies. Do you really think it's a good idea to take his advice? Plus, the man can't get through an interview without a trail of saliva running down his chin as he asks whether or not the guest spanks his/her children (really, watch the inerview about the Bush Girls). That's creepier than the time Martha made beautiful napkin holders out of her children,

Given that I don't like these people (John Gray, you know who you are), I'm guessing that you think I would not follow in their footsteps.

You are, of course, WRONG. These people make a lot of money, and they have no idea what they are talking about - that is pretty appealing to me, given my abilities and my needs.

Because of this, I am thinking about starting a column called something like "A Misanthrope's guide to the (un)Easy Life. The content will focus on things I have learned in my life and how YOU can apply then too your own life. It's important to me that I don't pretend to apply them to my own life, because no one can do that. We can learn things, and we can explain these things; we cannot apply them to our own situations. Junkies have learned more lessons than all of the rest of us combined - they just can't apply these lessons to whatever remains of their own lives.

I, on the othe hand, will provide you with no-holds-barred advice on how my mistakes and stupidity can help you.

Let's say I wiill do it if I get...two positive comments. Come on...two positive comments.

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May 17, 2006

The Marathon Man

So I visited the sadists today to have my teeth checked.

Apparently, I still have most of them.

I did make the mistake of bringing my anti-Intelligent Design book with me to read and had to spend a good part of the cleaning carefully avoiding questions from my dental hygienist which, if answered truthfully, would no doubt have resulted in extreme pain for me. When the line of questions begins with "As a Christian, I don't believe that a species can evolve into another species", you know you are in trouble.Thankfully, I did not respond, "So, I am guessing that you also don't believe that two hydrogen atoms, combined with a single oxygen atom create water, since that book says he divided the water from the land, not Hydrogen and Oxygen, in a 2/1 ratio, from numerous other atoms, while leaving many of those same trace atoms suspended in the H2O, and said it was good?" We won't even go into the fact that he didn't create the sun, the stars and the planets until two days after creating light . I assume you already know about the two conflicting creation stories in Genesis...One with women equal to men, and the other as his "helpmeet". Guess which one get's ignored these days, even though they are right there in the first two chapters - and the man on top one was pretty obviously added about 400 years later.

I'm not even going to go into Lot sleeping with his daughters...

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May 15, 2006

So Much Stuff

Soooo much political stuff going on that I am not even going to try to address it in detail. Suffice to say NSA call info collection, definately illegal, Dick Chaney notes on the Joe Wilson column, smoking gun. Nothing of course will be done about any of these, since we have spent the last 5.5 years sliding into the darkest period of America's history

Next week, on the other hand, will be my last weekend with Kieran before he goes, which sucks. I am going to miss him so much. It's funny, but the changes that came about as a result of the divorce gave me a chance to become closer to both him and Ashley, and I am really glad that I took advantage of it. I just wish it wasn't going to end so quickly. I think I will have to see if it's okay with his dad if I come out for a few days during the summer to visit and show him all the really, really dorky places in Seattle, With all the tech companies out there they have awesome game and comic shops. Maybe I will check with Larry from Xigo and see if he knows anybody that could arrange a tour of Wizards of the Coast - that would kick ass.

I also just got a chapbook from Wil Wheaton (Blogger and TV's Ensign Wesly Crusher) that contains a few stories about his stepkids who are about Kieran's age - I hope that giving it to him will give him some perspective on how I feel about him, and what I want for him

So now, in closing, I am going to go to bed and read a book of essays about why intelligent design is stupid, which I already know. It just makes be feel better to know that other people agree.

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April 19, 2006

Nothing in Particular

No real reason for posting. I still haven't finished editing together the little video snippets from the Dresden Dolls show, and I really don't have anythying else wort posting about. I just didn't want to let too much time go by without posting anything, because then people will assume that I am dead, search parties will be formed, and there is the possibility that would lead to the numerous shallow graves in my backyard being discovered.

This is just a rambling post about absolutely nothing. I have been super busy with work during the week, super busy over the weekends spending time with Kieran before he leave for Seattle in May, and because of this I really have not had time to do anything else.

I have also been spending time with my MP3 collection; not listening to it, just making sure that everything is tagged and correctly filed away. I guess that with the house in order I need something else to obsessively clean, and the music collection is always there as a potential time-sink. This leads me to the only useful portion of this post - check out the new Musicbrainz client - Picard. It's one of the best things I have seen for quickly organizing large collections and filling in missing metadata. The user interface takes a little getting used to, because it's album oriented, rather than song oriented, but once you get it, it works,.Combined with the the technology from MusicIP (which still doesn't work right) it may eventually provide a solution to quickly identifying those songs that you ripped from your friends mix CD that have no tags at all...

Posted by edgore at 11:39 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Nothing in Particular

No real reason for posting. I still haven't finished editing together the little video snippets from the Dresden Dolls show, and I really don't have anythying else wort posting about. I just didn't want to let too much time go by without posting anything, because then people will assume that I am dead, search parties will be formed, and there is the possibility that would lead to the numerous shallow graves in my backyard being discovered.

This is just a rambling post about absolutely nothing. I have been super busy with work during the week, super busy over the weekends spending time with Kieran before he leave for Seattle in May, and because of this I really have not had time to do anything else.

I have also been spending time with my MP3 collection; not listening to it, just making sure that everything is tagged and correctly filed away. I guess that with the house in order I need something else to obsessively clean, and the music collection is always there as a potential time-sink. This leads me to the only useful portion of this post - check out the new Musicbrainz client - Picard. It's one of the best things I have seen for quickly organizing large collections and filling in missing metadata. The user interface takes a little getting used to, because it's album oriented, rather than song oriented, but once you get it, it works,.Combined with the the technology from MusicIP (which still doesn't work right) it may eventually provide a solution to quickly identifying those songs that you ripped from your friends mix CD that have no tags at all...

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April 4, 2006

Mystery Hotel

Shane Nickerson at Nickerblog has put up an interesting looking old photograph of a hotel lobby from the early twenties. Wil Wheaton then proposed that people should write short, 300 word stories inspired by the picture.

Here is mine. Originally it was posted when it was about 400 words, so I cheated. I've since gone back and edited it down to 299 words (in your FACE!). The original version is preserved below the edited version. I'd be interested on any comments about which one is better.

The Finest Specimen

The 10:15 train was early.

The station air was thick with dust, making the dull town even duller. Across the street my gaze settled on the dingiest hotel, the most likely to be within my means. While my profession provides personal satisfaction, and ultimately benefits mankind, it’s no means to riches.

Bags in hand, I crossed, and creaked open the door. Hesitating, I saw the lobby of a faded flophouse catering to traveling salesmen who make few sales; even by my standards it was difficult to imagine staying.

Then I saw him, standing beside the desk. Six feet tall, with long arms and legs, like an ape’s. Dark hair brushed back from a low, sloping forehead, bushy brows behind thick, round glasses. Entranced, I approached the counter, where an older man took three dollars and handed me a key. As I scribbled a name in the register, I couldn’t help sneaking glances at the tall man gazing at me with the barest spark of intelligence in his eyes. I was certain that I’d stumbled upon my next subject. I finished with the register, the tall man grunting and bending to take my bags. I snatched up my black bag, leaving him the others.

Following him upstairs, I noted his shambling gait and hunched shoulders. Left to his own devices, I theorized, his knuckles would drag the ground. Opening my bag, I withdrew a brown bottle, and as he entered my room, held my breath and soaked my handkerchief.

I came from behind, the cloth firm upon his face. A grunt, a slight struggle, and he slid to the ground.

As I arranged my instruments on the nightstand, I saw before me another piece in Darwin’s puzzle, ready to dissect and piece into my map of evolution, my life’s work

And now the unedited superlong version:

The Finest Specimen - Director's Cut
The 10:15 train was early.

The station air was thick with dust, making the dull town even duller. Across the street my gaze settled on the dingiest hotel, the most likely to be within my means. While my profession provides personal satisfaction, and ultimately benefits mankind, it’s no means to riches.

Bags in hand, I crossed, and creaked open the door. Hesitating, I saw the lobby of a faded flophouse catering to traveling salesmen who make few sales; even by my standards it was difficult to imagine staying.

Then I saw him, standing beside the desk. Six feet tall, with long arms and legs, like an ape’s. Dark hair brushed back from a low, sloping forehead, bushy brows behind thick, round glasses. Entranced, I approached the counter, where an older man took three dollars and handed me a key. As I scribbled a name in the register, I couldn’t help sneaking glances at the tall man gazing at me with the barest spark of intelligence in his eyes. I was certain that I’d stumbled upon my next subject. I finished with the register, the tall man grunting and bending to take my bags. I snatched up my black bag, leaving him the others.

Following him upstairs, I noted his shambling gait and hunched shoulders. Left to his own devices, I theorized, his knuckles would drag the ground. Opening my bag, I withdrew a brown bottle, and as he entered my room, held my breath and soaked my handkerchief.

I came from behind, placing the cloth firmly upon face. A grunt, a slight struggle, and he slid to the ground.

As I arranged my instruments on the nightstand, I saw before me another piece in Darwin’s puzzle to ready to dissect and piece into my map of evolution, my life’s work.

Posted by edgore at 8:33 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

April 3, 2006

Spring Crashes Down Like A Grand Piano

Dear god, I hate the spring time change. I get to bargain away an hour of sleep in order to have the sun appear to go down an hour later every day. It's not a bargain I am too happy with. I like sleep. I like the fact that during the winter I don't have any problem getting up early in the morning and getting stuff done. Now that the clocks have been changed I feel tired and dragged out - I've been at work for 4 1/2 hours and all I want to do is take a nap. If the clocks had not been changed, I would be rested and energized and wishing I didn't have to be at work. I suppose it's really a no-win situation.

Another thing that drives me crazy about spring is Easter,which, as you probably don't know, falls on the first Sunday following the full moon that occurs on or following the spring equinox, March 2Ist. If you ever get confused about it, I suggest contacting your local Druid for guidance.

Posted by edgore at 12:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 1, 2006

Thank You Google

Well, all of my relationship problems are solved. Google has announced their dating service, Google Romance which will allow me to power through thousands of advertiser sponsored pairings in mere seconds. No doubt, by April 2nd, I will have found the love of my life!

Posted by edgore at 4:49 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

March 27, 2006

This Combines Two of my Favorite Things

Gilles Trehin, an autistic 28 year old from south-east France, has documented an amazing city, Urville, that exists only in his mind. He has drawn hundreds of pictures of the city, mapped it in detail, and even written social and cultural histories.

Now, I am fascinated by 50's futurism (which some of his work recalls), and I am also fascinated by those that are differently-abled cognitively (You can't call someone that could do this disabled, he's just not like you and me; he might even be, in many ways, better than us) so I am incredibly happy to have found out about Gilles and Urville. I plan on ordering at least one of his prints as soon as I can figure out how to.

Naturally, I also can't stop thinking about St. Elsewhere...

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March 24, 2006

Tell That to the Hall of Presidents

Great article over at Wonderland documenting some of the ranting portions of the GDC sessions (thanks, boingboing). I think my favorite line is the one about statues not being better because they move. If you have ever been to Disneyland, as alluded to in the title, you can plainly see this is not true. If, on the other hand, you have ever gone to Chuck E. Cheese it is, equally, plainly true.

There are some good points made about pointless freedom. I've always thought that the true 3-D version of Myst that was done a few years ago was the dumbest thing I ever heard of. The locations in Myst were all carefully designed for set, static views in which everything you would ever need to look at was in frame. Adding true, realtime 3-D with a user controlled point of view simply made it possible to look at a lot of locations that had no content. Stupid. Game developers have to carefully control where the user can go, because there is nothing more boring than having a game with "infinite freedom to go where you want" and nothing going on to hold the player's interest except in a few fleshed out locations.

With face to face gaming this could be somewhat compensated for by having a game master who was able to improvise when the players went off and did something unplanned. With computer game design you have to make it harder to go off the rails, or have a system in place the generate interest and complexity in the areas that have not been fully fleshed out by the designers. Unfortunately, this usually leads to either very tight control of the player, or worse, tossing extra combat opportunities into the empty areas. In all honesty, I have never been as bored playing a game as I was when I tried GTA: Vice City...lot's of freedom to go where you want, and do what you want, but none of it really had any impact on anything, and it was repetitive as hell. If there was an overall faction or reputation system on the other hand, then even random encounters throughout the game could have had an impact on the larger story arcs.

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December 28, 2005

Forget about

Dogs that adopt kittens and stuff like that.

This is the cutest thing ever.

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November 1, 2005

Sigh

If only I had known before what a hot commodity I was. Apparently, there are thousands of young girls with webcams on Myspace that are dying to meet an older man. Two or three of them are particularly persistant, sending me messages whenever I am logged in.

If I didn't know better (because they consistantly send exactly the same message, just like real people), I would think they were 'bots.

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October 13, 2005

Information Wants to Be Free

Or least access to it does. Turns out that my new room is within snarfing distance of three wireless networks, which all seem to be about cable speed. Excellent, and saves me $40 a month that can go towards paying for Capoeira lessons (currently on hiatus this week, though back in the plan for next week).

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October 1, 2005

Blackmail Boxes

The art group Chaos Studios here in Colorado springs has recently put up a display called "Blackmail Boxes" in downtown. It consists of black mailboxes with various threatening, blackmail related phrases on the sides. It's a pretty weird feeling when you come across them unsuspecting. I've put up a flickr set of photos

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June 28, 2004

Too many projects

So I have way too many projects that I need to pay attention to, and this means that I am not getting anything done - though I am playing a lot of Civilization as a result.

I recently took stock of what I should be doing instead...

Lipglosspirate.com - I need to set up a blog for my daughter. I've got the domain for her, and it's pointed to the server here at home, I just haven't bothered to look into what blog software will run on an NT server with Activeperl and Apache. Any suggestions? Will Movabletype work?

Other Websites - I need to get around to doing something with www.cocktailcult.com, and my Colorado weirdos community site. Both of them are up, but the dating software for both is flakey. I probably need to spend some time learning PHP and the Nuke APIs. Also both need content. Anyone want to write for either one?

Amazon Assistant - I haven't worked on this in months. It needs to have the interface for creating templates redone, and I need to just go ahead and release it for free, since i doubt there is any money to be made from it. It would also be nice to do a server-side piece for it that can update prices and availability once a night, or whatever. A side effect of this will be updating the CD collection pages of this side.

Mutant Utopia - I keep meaning to set up a seperate Marcus Brooks website that people can add to. I have to domain, but again, have not gotten around to actually doing anything.

Halloween - Yes, I know it's the end of June. Despite this, I need to get started on the decorations for this year. This will be the year that I go way overboard on both the decorations outside the house, and on the stuff for the traditional Halloween party. This year it will all be very impressive...

So, given the vast number of time consuming things I have to do, the question becomes, what to do first. The answer? Play Civilization.

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June 15, 2004

I Knew It!!!!!!

So, last week I was forced to purchase a copy of the Weekly World News because it had a cover story that I believe with all my (organic, biological) heart to be true.

It proclaimed in bold letters "Dick Cheney is a Robot!" and the cover photo displayed a typically bilious (look it up people) Cheney exposing the circuity contained in his belly.

I have suspected this for some time, and it's good to see it confirmed in a print source that is more reliable than a typical Fox News report...

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June 11, 2004

Bunch of stuff at once...

Okay, it's been a while again, and therefore I must post many items...

First off, Sharon had her fashion show at the Colorado Dark Arts Festival, and it went off very, very well. Pictures can be seen at the Shining Sinners Clothing site. You will notice that this time I actually learned how to use the digital camera correctly, and the people look like people.

Second, the day after the fashion show Sharon had me take her to the hospital, where it was determined that she had a severe kidny infection that she had been running around with, in denial, for a week so she could do the show. She's fine now, though she is all cyborg-y and tube filled.

Third, so, the lawyers for the Bush administration put together legal opinions stating that the law can be interpreted in such as way taht torture is within the law. Then, when asked about authorizing torture Bush says only that "I have instructed our military to remain within the law" and doesn't want to elaborate. Well...according to your people torture *is* within the law, so should I take that as a "Yes, I authorized torture, but it's not torture, and even if it is, I am above the law"? I mean, really people...

Fourth, Sharon is going back into the hospital on Monday to have her tubes and wires taken out. Yea!

Fifth, I have actually been getting some stuff done on the several websites that I have been working on - Shining Sinners is technically done, but there are more products to be added in, but I am hoping to make a recovered Sharon do that.

Lastly, Lorelei is going to be out here and staying with us as part if her cross country "finding the real america" 60s hippy throw-back tour. This should be fun, since we haven't seen her in almost two years, and she is super keen!

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August 8, 2003

Fiendster

No, that's not a misspelling.

I have avoided Friendster for some time, believing it to be a pointless, silly waste of time, as useless as the old sixdegrees.com website from the dawn of time. Then I got a request to join from an old acquaintance back in San Francisco, and overcome by nostaligia and longing for days past, I joined.

I have now discovered that I was completely wrong about Friendster. It a pointless, silly, COMPLETELY ADDICTIVE waste of time. I find that I long for the validation that testimonials bring. That I delight at being able to go to a web page and see at the top of it "Sam is your friend". I also like the fact that you can write pithy little nuggets about your friends and claim that they are testimonials.

I fear what will happen to it once they start charging $8 a month for it though. It's beauty lies in it's broad user base, and as soon as they gate the community with fees, I'm afraid that it is going to completely fall apart. Hopefully reason will prevail, and they will come up with someway to effectively tier the offerings. The problem is that the current functionality is JUST enough to make you sign up for it if it free. If they are going to charge for it, paying customers are going to need a level of functionality in addition to what's available now.

Of course they also need to make sure that whatever they do to make it worth paying for doesn't queer what's there now. They are going to be walking a very fine line.

Of course, they could always go with my generic Angry Monkey Value-Add suggestion, and "just add porn".

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June 6, 2003

Busy busy bee

So, including last Friday I've worked, let's see...89 hours. What is amazing to me is that I actually feel pretty good. I normally feel more dragged out after my normal schedule than I do right now.

My first really big IT project went in over last weekend, and this week has been taken up by dealing with the fallout. I keep thinking that things are going to get to the point where I can take a day off, but it just doesn't seem to happen. I will be getting two days off this weekend though.

Overall everything went pretty well, considering that it was my first exposure to a lot of aspects of the business, and I was pretty much flying by the seat of my pants the whole time. The people I was managing seemed to come out of it not hating me, and those above me seem willing to forgive me my errors, since well, everything did get done, and even they were confused about the things that ended up being problems. No one has seen through the facade and realized I have no idea what I am doing. Heck, even I am beginning to feel like I might not be an incompetent stooge.

On other fronts, I have decided to sex things up with CDDbase. I am now re-doing the interface so instead of dull, boring, standard windows, there will now be cool graphics and nifty glossy buttons, all of which ad NOTHING to the functionality, but look really good in screenshots. It's also getting a sexed-up new icon. Woo-Hoo!

I have another project bubbling in the back of my mind right now...one that combines two of my favorite things...cocktails, retro style, and making loads of cash. THREE of my favorite things. More about this once I register some domain names and do some ground work.

Posted by edgore at 11:40 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

March 4, 2003

It's not boring...it's just...tedious

So, I have been at my new job for 6 months now. Those of you who know me know that I went from doing cool stuff - working for Visa International, Lego, and a company called Angry Monkey to a normal IT job in the Freight industry.

I find that I have to make my own fun here. Most of the work is reporting, talking to people on the phone and so on. I'm supposed to be a manager, but I have no projects, and no one to manage. So I make up stuff and do it.

For example, one of the things I have to do is reporting on development defects. I found that it was taking me about 3 hours a day to do these reports, simply because the database (Test Director) was not set up to properly capture data about work on the defects. So, I devoted days and days to learning VBscript and then writing scripts that made Test Director record more information about the work getting done. Then, because I also had to send out lots of tedious update emails about the defects, I wrote a bunch of scripts that automatically sent out the emails as people altered the database.

All in all, I probably spent 2 weeks learning this, writing the scripts and testing them. Now it takes me about 1/2 an hour in the morning to do the reports, and I never have to write any defect-related emails.

Still it will take me about a year to break even on the time it took to save this time.

And in the mean time...I now have an extra 2 1/2 hours every day to do new, also tedious work...

Posted by edgore at 11:09 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 22, 2003

Join my cult

With the recent media success of the Raelians, and the discovery that they have over 100,00 members world wide, I have decided that it's time to breathe new life into my efforts to start a cult of my own. Read about it, and if you are interested in joining, leave a comment.

Posted by edgore at 10:58 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

April 10, 2002

Marcus Brooks

My best friend, Marcus Evan Brooks died after a two year struggle with cancer. Remember him.

Posted by edgore at 11:50 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack