Psycho Analysis

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Watched "Thank You For Smoking" tonight, a highly, highly recommended movie. Great acting, creepy kid, Katie Holmes not being married to Tom Cruise; really very little to complain about.

However, it reminded me again of my love for "Boston Legal" and the sexy, sexy sociopaths that inhabit it. "Thank You For Smoking" is inhabited by pretty much the same type of people. Yes, there is the main character who is obviously a sociopath, but all the other characters basically are as well. They are horrible people that have no idea how their actions impact other people.

And I love them.

What is it with my attraction to dangerous, horrible sociopaths (really...all my relationship's except for one. If we have dated and you are reading this, obviously, you are that one exception, okay)?

After spending a lot of time (over an hour!) thinking about it, I have come to the conclusion that it's a "remembrance of things past" thing. I am attracted to/fascinated by sociopaths because it's a "the road not taken" thing. There was a time (about twenty-one years ago) when I was that "really, really selfish and really, really happy-with-himself" person.

I miss that, sometimes.

I spend all of my time these days doing "the right-thing". It's what I ultimately always have to do; but I sometimes miss being that selfish jerk on occasion. Not that I would admit it, but, you know, when I am lying awake in bed at 4:30 in the morning it does cross my mind.

I think that is why I love Boston Legal and "Thank You For Smoking"; not because I see myself in them, (no matter how much I might practice the "Alan Shore" inflections) but because I see the shallow, happy jerk I could have been instead, and, God, I want that sometimes. I really, really do.

But I can't have it. Not that I am "too good", or better than that, or anything like that - I simply don't have the stomach for it anymore; I have too much empathy for my fellow man/woman.

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Hello Ed,

I am one of your worst horrible sociopaths, but I got much better. I don't want to scare you but I have a self portrait of a friend of ours that I thought you might like to have. If so, email me.

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This page contains a single entry by edgore published on December 2, 2006 11:39 PM.

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