Toothless Gears

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I've been thinking over the last weekend about how I've been feeling, and what to attribute it to. Overall, I've been feeling pretty good - much of which, I think, can be attributed to time, the "definite-ness" of the breakup (no more wondering about/worrying over what will happen) and the feeling that I am now the one who is in control of what happens to me.

There is one thing though that I think can be attributed to the medication - it's the feeling that the relationship issues just don't have any traction at all. Whatever part of my brain it was that would get engaged when a thought about the breakup crossed my mind just doesn't seem to engage. I know that in the past it has taken me longer to get over less painful breakups than this. Now if something about it crosses my mind, it crosses, and that's it; there isn't anything else.

It's a weird feeling, in a way, but not really a bad one. I don't want, or need, to focus on those thoughts because there is really no point to them, or anything that I can actually do about them, so it's sort of nice to just have them pass through and be on their way. It's good to know that the medication doesn't stop the thoughts, it just stops the anxiety/worry/obsessing over them. Back to the meat robot thing, it's like I'm still me, I still feel the feelings/have the thoughts, but the improved programming doesn't lockup when they occur like it did before - security patches have been applied that prevent denial of service attacks for working.

Of course, I could be wrong, and it just that I am moving on; but I think the medication is helping to do that.

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This page contains a single entry by edgore published on November 28, 2005 11:27 AM.

Moving Days was the previous entry in this blog.

Ring Finger is the next entry in this blog.

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