Reality Bites

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Not sure if it's medication related or not, but for some reason the reality of my situation is hitting me very hard this week. This is really happening, she seems perfecly happy with it, and it's not going to change.

I keep holding out some hope that she will change her mind, but that's not very realistic. She started moving on two years ago and has had all that time to get used to the idea, while I have only had a little under two months total, and less than three weeks since it seemed pretty final.. She feels like she is moving on towards something that she wants, while I am moving away from everything I want.

Our lives ar going to remain tangled up because of the kids, which is not going be easy - every time I see her or talk to her on the phone it makes it harder. I need to figure out how to get out of this emotional "K"-hole. I need to figure out what it is that I am moving toward. I wish there was someway that we could be freinds, but I can't see that happening; not because of anything that happened, but because of the way I still feel about her. Maybe that will change with time.

I don't know how I am going to be able to actually go through the process of filing the paperwork and getting that done when it is not something that I even want to do. I know that I will manage to do it, because I am "the guy who takes care of things", but it's hard to imagine right now.

I want to talk to her so badly, but I know that's a bad idea, so I am not going to. She doesn't seem to be interested in talking to me unless she needs something, which is probably the right way to handle things. If this course is the only one that she sees open to her, then it's probably best if we cut off everything except "business" and start to put as much space between us as possible. this, I have to say, I don't think these pills do what they think they do.

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This page contains a single entry by edgore published on November 1, 2005 11:05 AM.

High Anxiety was the previous entry in this blog.

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